How is it that we write letters back and forth all of the time, and sign with “Love,”? But we never say it in person? Why do we hold hands on walks, but never in public with people around? We can make passionate love and cuddle for hours without words. We can have car rides together with no words, and simply enjoy each others company. When you are away for months, even years at a time in service, I cry at night. The longing I feel is sometimes too much. We are not a couple, but at the same time we are. I have eyes for no one but you. Do you feel the same way?
I just do not understand what you want. Our communication is slim, but I am unsure of how to bring matters of emotion up with you. You are so serious and logical. I am brimming with emotion and fear. Fear of rejection, I think. I do not know what to do. I love your company. You are a fantastic conversationalist. You introduce me to so many new things, teach me, peak my curiosity, and above all, love me like no one else ever can.
You once told me not too long ago, “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” In reference to us becoming a “couple”. I wish I could have said, “will you ever be ready?”
I think I fear the answer.
But it was just last weekend I drove 3 hours down to where you are staying to visit you. I paid for a room for myself so I could stay there and visit you. I drove us everywhere. We saw fireworks, musicians, interesting shops. Many things. We had a great time. “Will you ever be ready?” I should have asked it. I hope one day I have the courage to ask you this, even though I am prepared to wait a lifetime.