• Can’t Go Back

    by  • July 6, 2011 • Depression • 1 Comment

    Dear Depression,

    Why me? Is my first question. I never thought that I would be the one to get hit so hard. Do you loathe me so much that you want me dead? I don’t think I’m that bad. I have my imperfections like my bitchy remarks I make to everyone without even noticing. My crater-y skin that makes me hate myself more and more every time I scrub my clay like make up off every night. My belly that I haven’t been able to work off since I was a baby. I hate the way my eyes squint when the sun is too bright and how I’ll never be anyones first choice. I have never been held lovingly in a boys arms, only toyed with then left raw. I never want to be touched, because I feel unworthy, thanks to you, my Major Depressive Disorder. Why is my mind constantly clouded with ways to off myself or send myself into a spiral of disaster? Fuck you depression. I’ve about had it with all the negativity. I’ve dealt with your shit for far too long. I went from being a happy, peppy, free- spirited young girl, with long, blond hair, and curious brown eyes to a sad, pathetic excuse for a young lady. Will I have to surrender to your brute strength for the rest of my life? Will I have to spend the rest of my days alone with only the company of my misery? Can’t you allow me to see just for a moment that life is a beautiful, tender and exciting thing? Is that so much to ask for?

    One Response to Can’t Go Back

    1. Melissa
      July 6, 2011 at 11:08 am

      I don’t know your name, nor do I know anything about you but the words that you wrote. What I do know though, is there is a beautiful person living inside your skin. My heart goes out to you because for so many years, I have felt and continue to feel the way that you do. Please know that you are extremely important to so many people!! Those imperfections that you just named are only exterior and all that is just the front of who you are. I can guarantee that for every negative thing you have said about yourself, I can name a positive quality about you and I’ve never even met you. You have the power to become who you WANT to be. Focus your attention on what you have the power to change and know that others care about you. I may be overstepping and if I am, please allow me to apologize — but I want you to know that you ARE SPECIAL!

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