I’m at a place where I can let go of the awfulness of your mistreatment of me. I am willing, and finally able, to ‘let go’ of the following:
To my ex-husband (the jack-ass of the current hour):
For getting our tenant pregnant during my last trimester of pregnancy with our daughter,
For lying for a continuous 8 years about your infidelity prior to our marriage, and making me feel like I was being “paranoid” about “that feeling” I was having about you,
For making me feel like the Whore of Babylon when I admitted to cheating on you towards the end of our marriage,
For taking away my option of leaving you earlier – prior to our marriage and the birth of our daughter – by your continuous lying about your infidelity, and
For thinking of only yourself.
To my bastard-ass daddy:
For being less than a stellar husband for my mother,
For your narcissistic mind and manipulative ways,
For being a less than wonderful step-father to my older brother, who now has, and will continue to have, mental issues as a result of your violent interactions with him as a young boy, and
For going through your life as a male who simply used women as your next means of support.
To my maternal grandmother and my mother’s youngest sister (on her mother’s side):
For being backstabbing females towards my mother when my mother helped you in various ways,
For cutting my mother short and being disproportionately unfair to my mother in her near-desperate time of need,
For not being ‘stand-up’ women by talking behind my mother’s back as opposed to being direct and honest towards her, and
For being physically and emotionally unkind to me, as a child who looked to the females around me as role-models.
For all of the above:
Fuck you for not losing sleep, fighting depression, suicidal tendencies, lost-lessness, longing for a way to make ‘it’ better, not caring enough about ‘the situation’ enough – even after a confrontation of the issue – to give a fuck and want to try, for moving on as quickly as you did, and for acting as if, even to this day, it doesn’t matter.
But you know what? These awful experiences made me into a stronger person. Yeah, I married a guy who was at the right place at the right time. No, I don’t love him the way that I should because I still haven’t grieved the demise of my first marriage properly, but I’m working on it.
After I send this letter, I’m hoping all that you deserve will come to you, whether it’s good or otherwise. I will sleep fantastically tonight either way.
Felling lighter already…
The Long-Sufferingly Patient One