I feel like crying for so many reasons.
The decisions I’ve made in my life in the past year, or the past two years. They seemed good at first, but I don’t know if they were right.
Because now my best friend lives about 5,000 miles away and it kills me every day.
I can’t handle it.
I’ve gained weight because I’m stressed out, I can’t even handle school. I stay home all day sleeping.
Every time I look in the mirror I could just punch myself.
I don’t feel connected to my friends anymore.
I feel so alone and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it.
When I think about my life I see nothing. Absolutely NOTHING.
And I know if I could be with my friend who lives thousands of miles away, I’d be happy no matter what. But it’s just not possible. And it seems ridiculous, even to me.
My life depends on this one person that I am sure is my soulmate, and I’ve fallen in love with him. I need him.
And every time he doesn’t reply to my messages or he isn’t online, I die inside. I know he’s not doing any of it on purpose, but still. I just wish I could be with him every second of every day.
I miss him and as long as I do, I will hate myself and keep living my life this crappy way because I’m not strong enough to change on my own.