yesterday, i felt like the world came crashing down on me all over again, and all it took was one second of eye contact with you.
The first time i met you, we spent the entire night together, dancing, flirting, and talking and laughing. At the end of the night you asked for a kiss. I could tell you were special so instead of saying yes i said “No… but you can have my number.” Right when i got home you already texted me. I spent the next week texting you non-stop. Not even three days after i met you and my friend tells me “Just trust me…don’t fall for him”. Maybe i should’ve listened to her…
I feel bad for not telling you that i had been talking to someone else at the same time as you. But when i did finally tell you, you worked your ass off to try to get me to choose you over him. And i did. You put in so much effort in getting me and you threw it all away. One time you asked me “What’s the nicest thing a guy’s ever done for you?” I answered and you responded with “oh, well you haven’t been treated right.” Hey guess what, that still applies.
You would smile non stop when we were together. What happened to that guy? He dosen’t exist anymore. He’s gone, but i miss him so much. You would always hold my hand, or had your arm around me. You made me feel special, and wanted. Our moms would have hour long conversations. Our families went to dinner together. You came with me and met my uncle and my cousin. I was there for you when you had surgery. i bought you that cute pillow pet… i bet you threw it away. Along with all those pictures i drew for you.
We spent one month talking and one month dating, and let me tell you, those were the best two damn months i have ever had. Just being with you in your presence made me the happiest girl on earth.
Then April 25th happened. That single “we need to talk” text. The text that made my heart sink as deep as it could possibly go. I still don’t know why you did that. I still don’t know why i begged for you back. At least i can’t say i didn’t try. All i want is a reason. But i’ll never get that. You said we were just on a break and we could still be friends. But you basically died. You turned into everything you said you’d never be. Now i’m on that list. Just another girl on the list of girls you dated, exactly what you said i wouldn’t be. When i saw you in the mall two days later, i didn’t want you to ever let go. You hugged me so tight and i did nothing but cry. Two months and three days i go without seeing you, but i haven’t gone but maybe a few minutes without thinking about you.
Seeing you last night i felt like the world came crashing down on me all over again, and all it took was one single second of eye contact with you. I tried to half smile and you couldn’t even wave or maybe say “oh hey.” You looked at me, and turned the other way. Your eyes were cold and stone. Like you weren’t really there. You were with her. My replacement. But what i don’t understand is why neither of you were smiling or being close to each other. I saw you again that night, You guys walked five feet apart…. I know that if it had been us, we would have been holding hands, smiling, and laughing with each other, just like we used to. You were the only thing i could think about the rest of the night. Standing there, under the beautiful fireworks with my best friend and her boy, and i thought of you. The thought that you and her were probably kissing under the fireworks and enjoying them like a lot of couples had been doing, and wanted so much to be her.
Just as my heart had been starting to feel okay again, it shattered into a million pieces. And it only took one split second of seeing you and her together.
Your eyes are cold, and i thought i had you figured out. I know i won’t see you again anytime soon, but something keeps me holding on to nothing.
I hold on to the hope that the old you that i knew would come back to life and show up at my front door someday, but it won’t happen. I just pray that someone else comes along that can make me feel even more than how you made me feel… if that’s even possible.
Two months of knowing you and these are the feelings I get because of it. I miss you, the you I used to know.
ps. You’re still the most adorable thing i’ve ever seen.