• Feelings and uncertainty and attraction, oh my!

    by  • July 5, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments


    I’m not really sure what I’m doing here. But then, I’m never really sure of anything when it comes to you. I just know that I’ve been thinking about you a lot. You’re almost always on my mind. I know that I miss you. I miss our friendship. We were friends in high school, and I miss team events and having that excuse to spend time with you. I know that neither of us are the kind of people who can easily talk about our feelings. We’re both the complete opposite, and I’m pretty sure we’ve never had a serious conversation about what is/was happening between us.

    I think part of that is because I don’t even know myself, and if I don’t know, how can I be expected to verbalize it to you? I know that I’m attracted to you; I think that has been made clear over the last four years (holy crap, whatever this is between us started four years ago…) And I know that you’re attracted to me, too. That’s obvious enough. But beyond that, I just don’t know. I like you. I would never have become friends with you if I didn’t. But I don’t know how much I like you. Sometimes I think that I’ve fallen so hard for you that my head swims and I don’t know what to do about. I imagine us together, and it all just seems so lovely and fantastic. But then there are other times when I’m certain that my feelings don’t go beyond friendship and a crazy physical desire for you. There are times when I think that I only respond to you out of desperation, and the feeling of being wanted and desired.

    So I guess because of all of this, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get hurt, but even more than that, I don’t want to/can’t/won’t hurt you. But there are days when all I want is to call you, to get together, for something, anything to happen between us. I don’t know when this all got so complicated, but you have no idea how much I wish it wasn’t. I wish I knew what you were thinking, how you are feeling about this situation and about me. I just wish I knew what to do about all of this.

    If you have the sudden urge to see me, talk to me, be around me, don’t hesitate to let me know. In the meantime, I’ll probably keep waiting. What I’m waiting for, I don’t really know. But I can’t help but hope that you’re thinking about me even a fraction of the amount that I’ve been thinking about you…

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