• Where did he go?

    by  • July 4, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    I wasn’t looking for anybody to love when I came back to school from dropping out due to depression. You just kinda, I guess, came at the right time.
    It was great in the beginning, till I realized how badly your habit was.
    It’s destroying us, you don’t care.
    I don’t see why a plant that gives you an hour high that costs you money could ever be more important than your girlfriend who is willing to love you for the rest of our lives…. for free.
    I’m torn.
    You used to always be there for me. You were till I lost all my friends. I lost all my friends because I’m a target for rumors, something I’ll never understand. I try to reconnect, but people wont listen to me.
    I miss you, so much.
    I missed when you wouldn’t yell at me about how I felt, I miss when you would hold me when I cry, I miss your sweet words and loving voice, but I really miss the old you. The fun you. The you when all you wanted to do was be with me and have a great time
    Like we used to.
    Now, since it’s summer, all you wanna do is go out, party, smoke, and drink.
    I can’t, I’m sorry.
    It’s destroyed our relationship to the point where we are both hanging on this tiny bit of hope that we HOPEFULLY think is still there.
    I love you
    I’m in love with you
    So why are you throwing away our more than a year long relationship…. for drugs?
    I thought you loved me
    But then one day, you just decided to take “forever” away from your vocabulary towards me. Saying you’re no longer sure of me.
    You’re destroying me
    But I love you.
    you’ve lied to me, manipulated me, put me second, took me for granted, and pretty much destroyed all trust towards you.
    But I’m still with you.
    What’s wrong with me?
    Maybe I’m just scared of being alone, I mean, I don’t have anyone but you now, and you hate that.
    Sorry, I didn’t know hanging out more than two days in a row was too much for you. Sorry, I have social anxiety and can’t talk to your friends like you want me to.
    Sorry, I’m not as perfect as you.
    You’ve told me I deserve better, and I should go and find that person. How come you can’t be that person? You told me that you’re inlove with me too. I don’t believe it.
    You’re completely okay with hurting me, going back on your words, and your promises. You’ve seen me cry, seen me break down because of you, and you continue to do so.
    But I love you.
    But most important
    Why do I do this to myself?

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