Dear same old you,
It’s been a little over a year since we broke up and a little over a month since I finally decided I would never date you again.
I know that thinking about the past is pointless because it’s over. I do, though. At first after we broke up, I thought about what I would’ve done differently. Maybe I wasn’t really there enough when we finally decided to date because I’d just broken up with someone else. Maybe it was just because of our age difference, something out of my control. I spent all my time thinking about “maybe.”
Then, a month ago, I decided I was finally done waiting and thinking about “maybe.” In the past month or so, I really have brought myself to the point where I’m finally over you. The only “maybe,” or “what if” I should say, I’ve thought about was what if you’d never lived across the street from me. I wouldn’t have to worry about you because, since we weren’t in the same grade, I probably never would have ran into you; I never would have met you.
But now, I’ve accepted that there’s nothing I can do about maybe’s and what if’s. The past is past. I’ve come to find out that it’s never about forgetting about the past, it’s about getting through it, learning from it. Listening to music helped, too. Keith Urban, A Rocket to the Moon, Sara Evans, McFly, He is We, Aly & AJ, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, The Beatles, they were all there for me when you weren’t. The only thing, though, is all of those people talk about the person they’re mourning over coming back. They sing about that person coming back and they sing about turning that person down because of all of the heartbreak that person caused.
I can’t wait for you to come back to me. Begging for me like I’d always wanted. I can’t wait to say “I told you so.” I realize that this is real life and not a song or a movie, but I hope that day comes. If it doesn’t, though, if you don’t want me back again, I’ll still be okay. I’m better now, I really am. I’ve become so thankful for everything I have. I’m thankful for everything God has given me. I know I’ll find someone else and I know that I’ll never go back to you. For now, that’s enough. I’m not scared to be on my own for now. I’m just thankful for this fresh start.
a better me
(P.S. For those of you reading, don’t judge me and think that I am some adolescent girl talking about what she thought was love. This certain boy was near the center of my life for 4 years.)