• Is This What it Means to Grow Up??

    by  • July 4, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Fear • 1 Comment

    I’m afraid of growing up
    I’m afraid I’m not ready to make big decisions
    I’m afraid that I’m not ready to handle anything that could hurt me

    All these fears make me so guarded
    And afraid to take risks or make decisions for myself
    I feel as if I’m being pulled in so many directions
    And I can’t tell if what my heart tells me is right
    Or if making the ones I love happy is what I should do

    I mean, they have provided for me my entire life,
    So isn’t that a good reason to something that doesn’t make me happy?
    But what if I’m sacrificing something too great?
    I keep searching for a sign
    But I’m afraid to let people down

    This constant questioning is emotionally exhausting
    And all I want to do is run away from everything
    Like I always do

    And then there’s the people that I thought would be there for me
    The one person I started to trust and open up to
    Thinking he was different this time
    But isn’t that what they all say?

    And in my mind, I tell myself to wait a little longer
    But my heart is sensing an all to familiar feeling
    But my mind doesn’t want to give up on it yet
    Especially when it thinks that it could be something great

    But I could be fooling myself
    He could be exactly what my heart is telling me
    And I should just walk away

    I feel like I’m losing everything that is important to me
    And I can’t manage to hold onto anything
    LIke I’m falling and I’m trying to reach out and grab something
    But it just falls apart in my hands

    I know now that I am sacrificing something to great
    But I can’t find the courage to do something about it
    I hate disappointing people that have done so much for me
    And it makes me wonder if this is a time when I have to make a decision

    Are you supposed to make sacrifices that make you so unhappy
    In order to make the ones you love happy?

    One Response to Is This What it Means to Grow Up??

    1. SillyMe
      July 4, 2011 at 9:53 pm

      No you are not supposed to make yourself unhappy to make the ones you love happy. See the thing is this; the ones that truly love you are most happy when you are (even if they disagree with your choices). Everybody has to live and make their own experiences and mistakes are part of it. You will never know until you try. People who care about you will understand even if it may take time for them to adjust. Love is love and doesn’t just go away, some hurt and pain balances happiness. What would one be without the other? Appreciation and value would be out of balance. Live and be happy. Care and love your friends and family but don’t forget, in the end? You are responsible for your happiness too! I know it’s not easy, I have been there and it’s been a long road for me to have learned this. Best wishes and strength to you!

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