• I’m screaming

    by  • July 4, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Frustration • 0 Comments

    in my head because I don’t know what to do.

    I’m leaving for college in less than 2 months. I have about 5k that I can’t cover. I have a little less than 10k in scholarships, and 5k in loans I can take out. There’s another loan, a 9k, but… It’s a parent loan. One of the stupid Parent Loans for Undergraduate Students. The payments? Over $300 a month. My parents can’t afford that… there’s no way…
    I don’t know what to do. I’ve talked to them and it just stressed mom out, I’ve tried to talk to my boyfriend, poor guy, he listens to all my rants and tears and confusion. Of course, there’s nothing he can do, he has his own stuff to worry about, his own education. I can’t go to him again, I feel like such a burden. He’s even jokingly mentioned I deserve something, like being picked on or something, for “all the heartache [I’ve] put [him] through.” I know he’s just kidding… but I can’t help feel like a burden when I ask about stuff like this.

    Maybe I should just forget about college, plenty of people get by with out a college education, right?

    I was 16th in my class… I’m probably the only one in the top 20 who hasn’t gotten an outside scholarship. I applied everywhere… but quite frankly, I’m nothing special. Decent grades, decent extracurriculars, but nothing spectacular. My parents, according to FAFSA and scholarships, make enough money to pay for my schooling. Here’s the thing, too many in a household living off the income of 2 people. I won’t go into details, it doesn’t matter.

    I need help, I don’t know what to do. I’m trapped and I’m scared. I already couldn’t go to my dream school because it was so expensive. My back up is half the cost of the other one and I STILL can’t afford it.

    I can’t go to the local tech school for my basics, I’ve already got those taken care of for the most part with AP classes.

    What’s a girl supposed to do?

    According to the world you can’t get a good job without a college education, you can’t get a college education unless you’re flat broke or your parents have money.

    Maybe I should just forget about college…

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