What you did was unacceptable. You hurt me and I don’t know if I can forgive you for it even though i still want to be your friend. I hate you but at the same time I am still in love with you.
Oh yah, i never told you that I love you…..well I do. While you were off falling for other girls (including my best friend) and treating me like shit i was falling hard for you. Even when we didn’t talk for years when i saw you in the hallway I was still attracted to you. Deep down I just wanted you to be my friend again.
Then we were put into the same class all of my old feelings came back again and i fell so hard it hurt. When I realized you felt the same way about me I became so crippled with excitement and shyness I couldn’t talk when you were near me and I shook like a dog. Eventually I got tired of the cat and mouse game and told you how I felt about you. You told me you had been thinking about asking me out and I was so happy I could have just died.
Then you came over to my house one Sunday night and we watched a movie and cuddled and i thought it went awesome. I basically considered us going out by now. You hugged me goodnight and told me we’d talk tomorrow…..then we never really talked again.
The next morning you were going out with another girl and I was a confused and sad mess. i would never let you know how much it hurt to see you two together though. i put on a face and pretended I didn’t know you were seeing someone in class and in the halls i pretended I didn’t see you even though i was dying inside. What hurt the most is pretending you didn’t exist even though i wanted to be friends…you just hurt me to much for it to happen. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you because i would just start crying or yelling at you for what you did.
I wish you had just come and talked to me about what happened and why you did it. I wish you weren’t a coward and could have just told me you started going out with someone else instead of me finding out by seeing you together. I probably would have forgiven you and we could still be friends and we would still be talking to each other but no…you are afraid of confrontation.
Now i am stuck here trying to force myself to get over someone I’ve been in love with for years and its not working. i think about you everyday without even realizing I’m doing it. I wonder if you think about me too sometimes but i don’t think you do. I think you’ve forgotten all about me again.
When i see you when the next school year starts I hope we both carry on with our ignore each others existence principle because If i look into your eyes I’m afraid that all my work of trying to get over you will be erased and I will fall all over again.