• What has being good gotten me?

    by  • July 3, 2011 • Lost Love • 3 Comments

    I sit here wondering why you are still on my mind. You are like an addiction now that you are gone, when we were together, I didn’t even know if I wanted to be… but now that you don’t want to be, I would do anything to have you back. Were we all wrong for each other like I convinced myself? You were my first love, my first lover, I am young, 20 years old, I waited and waited to fall in love, with a guy like you. And then you were there, 28 so charming, so broken. I wanted to scoop you up and save you, but you saved me too, you taught me how to fall in love, how to be loved, and then 6 months later, you broke that. With your bullshit lies and consistent confusion, I don’t know what I want, I’m so lost. 19 years being single, teaching myself self-love, walking around with a I-got-this attitude, and now here I sit checking my cellphone every 5 minutes wishing you would call and say sorry. I am so much better than this, maybe that was the problem? Do you feel inferior, did I make you feel that way? My life is put together, I am in college, I have travelled and live, I am innocent and classy, yet crazy and bad-ass and somehow you weren’t enough for me? I contradict myself in a beautiful harmony, but you, you are so lost, you are older, wiser, experienced, yet so fucking broken. You don’t want to work, you don’t want to grow up. I can do better than that, better than what you could offer me. Yet somehow I feel like, you were meant to be, you knew how to touch me where I wanted to be touched, you knew what turned me on, you knew me. Yet here I sit the good girl, wanting my bad boy back? How cliche…. What do 4.0’s get you if your heart is broken? What has being good gotten me?

    3 Responses to What has being good gotten me?

    1. Lol
      July 3, 2011 at 1:29 pm

      Well, stop looking for bad boys. Idiot.

    2. Jen
      July 4, 2011 at 11:33 am

      Last time I checked, getting a 4.0 had nothing to do with love or having a broken heart. A 4.0 will get you the same thing with a broken heart as it will with a heart full of love and happiness; it will get you a good job. I hate when girls think that their worth can only be defined by love from someone else, it’s pathetic.

    3. Friend
      July 5, 2011 at 10:02 am

      Hey lol and Jen, lay off, will you? LINS is a judgement-free place where we can truly be ourselves without fear. Didn’t your mother teach you “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything?”. Shame on you!

      To the writer, forget the idiots, the haters, the ones who judge. There is nothing wrong with you, sweetie. I have felt the same exact way that you do. It’s not you. It’s them. I know it sucks. I know it’s hard. I know you wish he’d come back. But to be honest with you, it’s probably better he doesn’t. He’s doing you a favor. Why be with someone who has even the slightest hesitation to be with you? You know you deserve better. I know it’s difficult, but listen to your head. Your heart is irrational. It it impulsive. But your head and your gut know the way….just trust it. Be civil to this guy. But that’s it. Don’t be someone else’s doormat. I assure you that in the end, it will only ruin you. You’ll find your match. And when you do, all the tears, all the hurt, all the confusion and all the sleepless nights will be worth it. I’m still waiting to meet mine. (I’m 26, a “good girl” with “the world ahead of her”). The loneliness sucks, but don’t ever change.

      And remember: Love doesn’t give you happiness, you give yourself happiness. Wishing you much love and comfort. Keep your chin up, hunni! <3

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