I sit here wondering why you are still on my mind. You are like an addiction now that you are gone, when we were together, I didn’t even know if I wanted to be… but now that you don’t want to be, I would do anything to have you back. Were we all wrong for each other like I convinced myself? You were my first love, my first lover, I am young, 20 years old, I waited and waited to fall in love, with a guy like you. And then you were there, 28 so charming, so broken. I wanted to scoop you up and save you, but you saved me too, you taught me how to fall in love, how to be loved, and then 6 months later, you broke that. With your bullshit lies and consistent confusion, I don’t know what I want, I’m so lost. 19 years being single, teaching myself self-love, walking around with a I-got-this attitude, and now here I sit checking my cellphone every 5 minutes wishing you would call and say sorry. I am so much better than this, maybe that was the problem? Do you feel inferior, did I make you feel that way? My life is put together, I am in college, I have travelled and live, I am innocent and classy, yet crazy and bad-ass and somehow you weren’t enough for me? I contradict myself in a beautiful harmony, but you, you are so lost, you are older, wiser, experienced, yet so fucking broken. You don’t want to work, you don’t want to grow up. I can do better than that, better than what you could offer me. Yet somehow I feel like, you were meant to be, you knew how to touch me where I wanted to be touched, you knew what turned me on, you knew me. Yet here I sit the good girl, wanting my bad boy back? How cliche…. What do 4.0’s get you if your heart is broken? What has being good gotten me?