• ten years later

    by  • July 3, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    10 years ago I was a teenager, and everything was so dramatic. I knew better than to tell adults what I was feeling because they would minimize it. Actually grown up now, I am surprised that something like that could still affect me.

    I have been lucky enough to have relationships with amazing people who taught me to have fun, to trust, and to make it through the various things that can floor you.

    You taught me something too. You taught me that I can truly trust and love someone, and even without jumping into things, even with a long approach on that I can give someone all my loyalty and still be betrayed. I thought because it wasn’t romantic love, that I was rational and in control. But you broke my heart anyway. I learned that you can’t believe what people say; you taught me I don’t know who to trust. I grew up to study psychology, and I read about the physical pain of a broken heart. I remember walking home, losing all sense of time, feeling numb and not real. I haven’t felt that since, and I don’t expect to until one of 5 people I’m close to dies.

    I still wonder when I’m close to people if I’m really worthy of someone’s loyalty. I wonder if someone can see me when I’m down, when I’m needy, and not reject me.

    Thank you. Instead of being honest, you told me you cared and everything was okay, and I tried to believe you, but I was a fool. And ten years later, I still feel maybe I’m a fool. You built up my confidence, and then destroyed it. I expect you have forgotten. I expect I never will.

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