I don’t even know where to start. It’s hard to set a place or time to our begginning, and it’s even harder to know where we are now, in what attempts to be the end. I don’t know how i fell in love with you, how my feelings towards you grew so big and passionate, so uncontrolable and how horrible they took over me. I reall don’t know, i know you’re not worth it, that all those tears and efforts to make you come back are just an intent of suicide on my part.
I’ve tried so hard, to convince myself of how good i am without you and how great i am doing in all the other stuff. How much i’ve grown and changed and have enought time for other activities that really matter. Still, once in a while, when i look at you and you are near me or talk to me, it all comes back. It’s like all those good things in my life dissapear and then again you own the stage, you are the only one there.
I’ve always thought one day you would come back, and tell me how sorry you are and how you have discovered i am the only one, too. I keep on trying to face the reality of how far away that day is and how i really don’t want it to come.
I’m messed up. I know I’m young and all those characteristics of a young love that will go away with time, and i hope it does, i really do. My greatest fear is that it won’t, and that even if i find someone “better”, once in a while he will come to my mind and i will always wonder what it couldv’e been and in my deepest unaccepted thoughts i would think of looking for him and just answer that question.
But then again, i’m young, and time does heal, most of the time. You have the right to know that i will never forget you, that i hate you and i love you. You were one of the greatest persons i’ve ever met, such a particular friend, boyfriend and hater. I know i will never have what i had with you, and i want to thank you, even now that you’ve been such an asshole with me. I just hope you find your way, really, and i don’t know if i wish it leads you here with me…and i don’t know if i’m still going to be here, but don’t be afraid, you have to try if it does.