• I will not apologize

    by  • July 3, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, God, Relief • 2 Comments

    I will not apologize for who I am. I’m afraid to show my crazy-love for God in front of you. I’m afraid because I did things that go against God, and you may think I’m a hypocrite, or resent me. I was a hypocrite. But I gave you up because I couldn’t do that to God anymore. I’m not doing those things anymore. So, I won’t hide in shame. I will parade my love for Him, even in front of you. I’m just me. I don’t want to hide it or tone it down. I know I made mistakes. But God forgives. He changes people. And if the perfect, sinless God of the universe will remove His judgement from me, then no one-no one!-has the right to judge me. And no one can say that it’s unfair-because God died on the cross and rose again just so He could forgive me and still be fair. If God would take my punishment so that my record could be clean, then don’t you dare bring up old records and try to point fingers. I want everyone to know that I’m a new person. I’m a sinner who God forgave. He forgave so that I don’t have to wallow, so that I can live. Not because I earned it. Because He wanted to. No one can point fingers. I am not my mistakes anymore. So, I will be honest about my mistakes. I will say, ”Yes, I did that, and I regret it. But praise God! He forgives. If we truly repent and if we truly believe.” I won’t hide. I won’t be bullied by guilt or shame. God already killed them. And I won’t dishonor His sacrifice by wallowing in them anymore. I guess I’m not really saying this to you. I’m saying it to me. I’m the one who needs to hear it. You never acted like I couldn’t show my love for God in front of you. But I felt like I couldn’t. I really am sorry for being a hypocrite. I would hate for people to think that God is that way because of me. I’m sorry. I won’t wallow anymore. It feels good to not be a hypocrite.

    2 Responses to I will not apologize

    1. hope
      July 3, 2011 at 1:34 pm

      AMEN to that!
      “This is not about what you’ve done, but what’s been done for you. This is not about where you’ve been, but where your brokenness brings you to. This is not about what you feel, but what He felt to forgive you and what He felt to make you new!” (tenth avenue north)

    2. Dee
      August 3, 2011 at 9:57 am

      Amen. That is beautiful. It made me think of the Tenth Ave song too! You are more than the choices that you’ve made. I admire you for not hiding.

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