I realise that at times…. at times the friction between us is like clawing at walls. That I don’t give, and you won’t take, and I love you’s are said on passing as if we fell into the habit and forgot why.
Yes, yes i’m angry at you. Every day. I can’t escape those choices you made that effect me. I’m angry at myself, too. I don’t like looking at you with words screaming behind my motionless lips. I feel a traitor to my own soul. Uncomfortable in my own skin.
Often, I have thought the simple solution is turning away… or pulling you closer… or telling you exactly how to live your existence like I would have the answers that could change the world. The world is harsh, and people all look inward more than they notice you tripping behind. I often catch myself so caught up in the storm that constantly brews behind my eyes… I only just catch the disappointment in yours. And once again I missed something important that could have changed it all.
I can cry silently, crumpled on the bathroom floor to stop me from falling any further. I can cry for hours. And in the end I will still pick myself up and turn back to you. Because honestly, when I see our clothes entangled together on the floor I know that perfection is not what I should be expecting or looking for. Safety and comfort and understanding, I already have with you. And always will. If you can love me with unquestioning determination, then I can love you with so much more.