• Everything and Nothing

    by  • July 3, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Betrayal • 0 Comments


    For a while there, my life was almost alright. You were amazing. You were almost too cute and adorable for me to handle. I was so happy and I actually felt like I was worth something, that I was good enough for someone. So, what happened? You were keeping a dark secret, weren’t you? It’s enough to rip me apart.

    You should know that I never feel good enough for anyone. That I feel alone and unwanted, and that I fear that I will never have someone who loves me for who I am, not what I am. You should also know that it doesn’t matter what you say or how confusing you make this for me, I know what you said and how it makes me feel. That’s all that matters.

    There’s no way for you to talk your way around this one, Michael. You told Jennifer and Vanessa that you never intended on asking me out or dating me. You said that you could show them a text that proves it. You may have been mistaken, or I may have been mistaken, or Jennifer may have been mistaken, but you said it. When Jennifer told me that you said it, I was so confused. I couldn’t understand why you would say that because I knew that the way you acted or the fact that we agreed on “casually dating” and the things that you’ve been telling me. In my mind, there could be two reasons why you said this: you were lying to them, or you really believed that we weren’t dating.

    Either way, it hurts. If you were lying, it crumbles my last bits of self esteem by proving that no one will ever want me, including my best friend. If you really weren’t going to ask me out, you were deceiving me and using me, especially when I promised to do very sexual things with you. You of all people know how badly I’ve been used in the past. I hope to God you weren’t using me, I truly do.

    But what hurts the most is that you lied to me when you told me that you were only hanging out with Vanessa because she wanted to. I told you that it didn’t matter and that I don’t care because you’re allowed to date who, and I wasn’t lying, but the fact that you lied to me about it makes my already overactive imagination go crazy. I found out that you’ve been asking to hang out with her a lot, almost every day. Why is that? Is it because she’s the class whore? Because she isn’t a virgin and has no problem with giving head to anyone with a penis? Yeah, sure you’re only friends. Of course you’re just hanging out because she wanted to. Yeah, duh, of course.

    Well, I hope it’s worth it. I hope that everything you do with her is top quality and that she exceeds your expectations. Hell, I hope you lose your virginity to her. I hope that you then come back to me with herpes on your dick and try to tell me that you didn’t do anything with that whore. I hope that everything you’ve put me through was worth it. I’ve cried for you so much, it surprises even me! Everything you’ve done to me has degraded me until my self worth was close to none. Now, I no longer cry because of your lying, I cry because I truly believe that I am unwanted, worthless, ugly, and that I will always be this way.

    And to think, you were the one that made me feel whole and happy, now you make me implode and crumble to pieces. You don’t even text me anymore. Do I mean this little to you? You will never mean that little to me, however much I hate to admit it. I am the victim I never thought I’d be.


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