Through the awkwardness of it all, I know that you’re happy with Kim now. Happy. A word I wish I could describe myself with.
Dear Leah. Why is that I want to utterly and totally hate everything you are, everything that you’ve become but yet my heart still beats for you? It’s like being a soul in purgatory, just waiting for you to justify my love, but instead, all you seem to be doing is inflicting the worst kind of pain on me. Do you know what scares me the most? It’s the fact that only the one who inflicts the pain, can take it away. Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better. But i know that you’re not going to do that are you? You’re never going to come and make me feel better again.
Dear Leah. You don’t come around here anymore. You don’t call me or text me or even look at me when I’m standing right next to you. Was it all a lie then? When you texted me saying that you loved me? It was..It has to be. You don’t just cut someone you “love” out of your life like that. Do you think about me? Because I can’t stop picturing you in my head. Do you dream about me? Because I lay in bed night after night, sleepless with the pain, praying that you’d talk me the next day. I go to sleep every night miserable because you didn’t.
Dear Leah. Do you even have a heart? If so, then what made you think it was alright for you to pursue a relationship with one of my so-called best friends? What on earth could I have possibly done to deserve this kind of humiliation and torture? To have everyone tell me it’s my own fault for introducing you two. To be told that I’m not good enough, or confident enough to be with someone like you. I never hurt you Leah, but everyday you unconsciously hurt me, but worst of all is that you don’t even care. Hate isn’t the opposite of love, indifference is.
Dear Leah. Why is it so hard to love you, but so hard to stop loving you? Is it because I’m jealous? Because I’m angry? Or is it because you remind me of a part of myself that I just can’t love?
Dear Leah. I know why you don’t speak to me anymore. Is it because you feel guilty, or is it because I too remind you of a part of yourself that you just can’t bring yourself to love?
Dear Leah. Just know that every part of yourself that you can’t love, I love strongly enough for the both of us. And he doesn’t.
What are you going to do?