• what could have been…

    by  • July 1, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 2 Comments

    i hate you.
    i hate every memory we have together. i hate every second of my life that i wasted talk to you, dreaming of you, and most of all i hate that i loved you.

    i let you do everything you did because i thought that one day i’d have you. and when it finally dawned on me that the relationship that i got you into was permanent, i forced myself to feel nothing. and as we both know, that’s not too hard for me. im used to nothing. fuck, im even used to assholes like you, but im not used to loving them. i never believed you could love me back and so for those three years, thats how we stayed. friends.

    regardless, i put that aside. i’ve changed so many people before you, who’s to say i couldn’t have done the same. but i never tried to change you. i just made myself overlook every single on of your flaws.

    and then i found out who you really were.
    an empty shallow asshole, who just needed a punching bag. and who could be better at that than me? and you know what.. i would’ve been perfectly okay it, if you hadn’t ruined the only other good thing in my life. aside from you, the only person who made me feel something. i wouldn’t really say love. that was your job, but she made me feel human. capable of feeling compassion, empathy and happy. yeah you read that right.. she made me happy. it didn’t last too long, but it was there. and i would trade anything to get it back. but thanks to you, it’s impossible.

    you ruined anything that you or her have ever done for me. and i’m back where i started. empty, broken, and practically begging to be abused by another asshole like yourself

    i’ve loved you since almost the day we met. we were perfect. same sense of humor, same opinions on everything. you were the first, and only person that made me comfortable, and made me feel something other than hatred for myself, and from what you’ve told me, i did a lot of the same for you. we could’ve been perfect mikey. you blew it.

    2 Responses to what could have been…

    1. Jessica
      July 1, 2011 at 8:29 pm

      it’s not impossible silly. i’m talking to you on skype right now…. it might take a while but i promise things will go back to the way we used to be. don’t ever forget that in the end, i believed you and not him.
      if he ever tries to talk to you again, give me his address and i’ll make sure he stops. pretty sure he’s scared of me now. the only upside of our situation….

    2. Luke
      July 2, 2011 at 12:06 am

      just fyi.. i actually know where he lives. and hes afraid of me too. oh and ii like babies. hi zo

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