I’ve known about you for 8, almost 9 years now. I know the day you were born, that we have the same color eyes and share a mother. but that’s it. That is all the information I’ve ever known about you. You’ll be 23 in October, me 20. Mom, our mom, told me that when you were 18 you would have the right to come find us. So where are you? I’ve spent the past 5 years just waiting. Waiting to meet you, waiting to hear from you, to know that you are alive and ok. I know you may be hurt by her actions but what did I do? That’s selfish, I’m sorry. You have no idea that I even exist. Me, your little sitter. You don’t know that we have a 15yr old brother or a 1yr old sister. You have no idea the impact that you could have on our lives.
When I first learned that I had an older brother out in the world I was shocked. And then excited. but then jealousy took over. You were adopted by a family that could provide for you, that would love you. That wanted you. While I spent my entire life just trying to be enough. Being told how worthless i was, how unwanted I was. (just so you know, that was from my dad, never our mom). but please forgive me for that jacob. Forgive me for being jealous.
I want to meet you. I want you to be a part of my life. I want to be a part of yours. but I’m terrified that if I found you, you would reject me. You’d want nothing to do with me. So until I have the courage to try and find you, I will wait. I’ll wait for you to find me. To find us. And until then I will love you. For nothing more than being my brother.