by  • July 1, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up • 2 Comments

    Dear N,

    In the beginning, it was perfect. Isn’t it always, though? I hope everything you said was true…that I was beautiful, funny, that you loved being with me. How can I believe it now though that you all of it is over? Obviously none of my traits are good enough to make you stay. You want to be friends and so do I, but it’s gonna take some time on my end. I feel…all the time… like you’re messing with my head just to keep me around for when its convenient for you. I wish I could be strong and not respond to your calls and texts but no matter how bad you treat me, I act like the girl I’ve always despised. A girl who realizes the consequences but does it anyway, a girl who isn’t strong enough (yet) to say goodbye. Deep inside me I think that maybe one day we will get back together, even though I know also that it isn’t true. I know I deserve so much better than you but hope anyways. Day by day though I am getting stronger. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to go a day, a week, a month, without wishing things were the way they used to be. I hope one day we can be friends, we can hang out, and no feelings will be there on my end except friendship. No matter how much it hurts me now, how much it scares me that for some reason it wont get better, I know you have made me STRONGER.


    2 Responses to STRONGER

    1. Samantha
      July 1, 2011 at 11:53 pm

      ive been there…time really does heal all wounds – and it takes lots and lots of time, but soon enough you’ll stop hoping for the impossible, and itll get easier

      hang in there. good luck.

    2. A
      July 2, 2011 at 5:56 am

      This sounds exactly like me 6 months ago. It’s a little freaky. Don’t worry, TRUST ME it WILL get less and less painful, until finally you will smile and laugh without thinking about him and what he is doing. You will remember the good times and smile because you are glad to have those happy memories. You will remember the bad times and the pain, and feel a bit sad for yourself because you had to go through that. But you won’t FEEL it anymore. Until then, let family, friends and music help heal you, help get you through. Find a friend who is willing to listen to you talk your head off. You should do some reflecting to learn valuable things from this experience, not right now maybe but when you feel ready. I think you’ll eventually realize and understand why you can not and should not be with him.
      At the time you think he is only guy for you, that life is unimaginable without him. But that isn’t true! We have the ability to love so many people. Sometimes I feel a little sad and miss the feeling of being in love. But if I thought THAT was amazing, then when I find the right guy, one that treats me right and that I can trust– well, it must feel absolutely incredible.

      Definitely stop communicating with him until that feeling that you want/need/eventually will be with him goes away. I know how hard it is. So just keep trying. Don’t try to rush friendship. It will make things harder.

      And yes he meant all those things. You are beautiful, funny, and loveable. Don’t doubt it.

      If someone told me all of these things 6 months ago when I was crushed by the end of a four year relationship with a guy I thought I would marry someday, I don’t think I would have believed it. But I wish someone would have told me anyway. It is very, very true. Just keep being strong. You’ll be just fine:)

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