I wake up at night and reach for you, hoping that you will be there, that I will feel the warmth of your skin on my hand, that I will hear your gentle breathing as you sleep. We never dated, I never had to miss you because you were always right here with me. I don’t even know how to date anymore…it’s been so long.
You being gone is so hard…every second I hope that you will call, or text, or just stop by. After living with you for months, after having a true friend to lean on during one of the most difficult times of my life, it feels like part of me has been ripped out and taken away.
I don’t want you to have such a power over me, but you do…and I’m not sure how or when it happened. I didn’t know I was falling in love with you little by little, because I’ve never felt like this before…it wasn’t even like falling. It feels so natural to be with you, so right….and it all happened when I wasn’t really looking.
I had settled for being miserable and unhappy for the rest of my life….until you showed me I didn’t have to be miserable and alone. I’ve had a lot of practice being alone, even when I was surrounded by other people. I can do it….be alone that is….I just don’t want to when I have someone like you.
We really do have something beautiful and amazing…all the bad things and people around us are trying to distort it. Every time you hold me, a fierce passion is there. Whenever you kiss me, my heart still skips a beat, just like it did the first time we kissed.
The thought of losing you is terrifying. You feel like home to me, that this is a place I can go and feel safe, and not be afraid to be myself. I’ve never had a place like that before…I always had to hide something or pretend everything was okay. You helped me, you gave me hope when I had none…you took my hand and opened my eyes to a world I had given up on. A world where I could be me, and be loved, appreciated, and happy.
We are both a little broken and a little damaged, but without everything in the past, I would not have known how to truly love you and appreciate you for all that you are. We are human. We will have flaws and make mistakes. We will not always see eye to eye about everything, and we may not always understand each others actions and words. I am okay with that, even if I get upset. I still have so much respect for you, I want you to have a ‘home’ with me too.
Don’t be afraid to show me who you are or how you feel. No one should have to live in fear of anything, and though situations we find ourselves in may resemble bad ones from the past, we have control over the outcome. History does not have to repeat itself.
I am putting you first. You deserve so much more than what you have (or haven’t) received in the past. I have opened up everything to you….my heart, my hopes and dreams, my home…even things that were behind doors I thought could never open again.
I want to feel that certainty once more….that it’s me and you together, and nothing can stop us. I want to know that your heart belongs to me. I opened up because I trust you, and I want you to come inside and love me too. I don’t want to be left wondering where your heart is, or fearful that you don’t want to be with me.
If no one has ever treated you better, if I am the best woman you’ve ever been with….please don’t run from me. I want to love you, and you to love me. Not just for a little while, not just for right now. Don’t give up on me. Whatever life throws at us, we can conquer it together.
There’s no one else I’d want to spend my life with.