I’m sorry we haven’t spoken in 11 months. I know I promised it would never come to this, that we would always be friends, but at this point in my life I can’t do that.
I miss you. I worry about you. I still care about you more than I can say.
I’m sorry I’ve ignored you. I’m sorry I changed my phone number. I’m sorry I haven’t called you. I’m sorry I made it impossible for you to contact me. I’m sorry for every time I walk past your house and don’t knock on the door.
I’ve wanted to talk to you so many times. Honestly, the only reason I haven’t is because everyone is so proud of me for not talking to you. I like being able to tell them it’s been six months, eight months, eleven months now since we last spoke. All of them are proud of me. My friends, my family, my friends’ families. If it weren’t for them, I couldn’t do this.
I wish that weren’t the case. I wish I could tell you I stopped talking to you because I needed to and I’ve continued not talking to you because I’ve grown stronger and happier.
I wish I weren’t sorry for taking care of myself.
But I am.
And until I don’t feel sorry anymore, I know I’m not strong enough to talk to you.
Please forgive me.