Dear Pooh Bear,
I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. Not because I’ve done something that will break your heart but because of all the things that happened one year ago. Between then and now, so much has happened. Unfortunate turn of events, buying black, and losing you all over again. I held on, through each fight, lie, and knife in my back, with all I had. The truth is, someone else would have broke, and walked away. But if that’s what you we’re hoping for. I’m sorry to dissapoint you. The things I have been through, and deal with on a daly basis make me different than most. No one, could ever begin to understand what my life is like. No one, except me. Its no secret that I like keeping the truth from everyone. But the truth is, I simply don’t trust anyone with it. Despite my mom’s illness, and the unfortunate things that just happened to be part of life, I still truly believe that I am the luckiest person alive. I wish with all my heart, that I could make you understand. I don’t know if I will ever wear make up, or put more than 5 minutes time into my appearance. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get married or trust someone completely. But this is who I am. I’m the girl everyone calls a liar, who can’t get close to anyone, takes care of her mom and writes letters. I’m that kid, who feels like a dead end. I’m guarded and broken and i blame no one but myself. I wouldn’t wish this.. on anyone. Being misunderstood is eye opening, but i wish everyday when i fall back into memories of us that I could open your eyes as wide as mine. Even though, you broke my heart in so many ways, revenge would get me no where. No matter what, I’d rather me be hurt, than you. I can handle myself. I’ve had to. Just so you know, every time there’s a scene in a movie, or a song on the radio, i’m right back there all over again. You’ll never read this. Even if you did, you wouldn’t let yourself feel anything for me. Your wrong ya know.. but I forgive you because you have no idea. People fear what they can’t explain or make sense of. Sometimes i wonder if at any time throughout the day, something reminds me of you. If so, i hope it makes you smile. I’m sorry that for a little while i took you for granted. I would give anything in this world to hold you one more time and feel fine again. I can’t find that with anyone else. You will always be my tony. The kid i’m supposed to go to prom with, and the kid who walked past me, a day after we broke up, to the girl he wanted the whole time. This might sound bad but, i’ve been through worse. I’ve been through worse than being lied to for a year, and being thrown away. Congratulations, you broke my heart. You really broke my heart. You broke your own heart too. But you see, thats love. Good days and bad, bad and worse. No matter what. This letter, would mean nothing to you, which is why tonight, you don’t have to worry about getting any texts or calls. I know you don’t care. But don’t call me your friend. Don’t talk about me. Don’t anything me. I know you better than you do.
I never had anyone till i had you. I know I lost you but thank you, for the best 3 months, and few nights of my life.
I wish I could call you and tell you everything I believe in and show you how beautiful all these pieces of my life really are.
Please open your eyes.