September 18th, 2006. That’s when I thought my life was starting. I found you. You found me. We fell so hard that we didn’t even catch each other. We just kept on falling. I remember every memory so vividly. I remember the smells, sounds, touch. I remember our first kiss. You were so sly about it. But it was cute. You had a Monster tab in your mouth, we both loved to chew on those things. We were sharing. I tried to get it out of your mouth and you kept me there and kissed me so passionately. I was only 16 and you were 15. So young, but we knew it was love. From that day on for the next year we wouldn’t go a day without talking to each other. Then I fucked up. I broke up with you to be with someone else. I never told you this, but I had commitment issues. I needed to feel like I was wanted. And that guy made me feel that way. I met the guy once and all I could think about was you. The day after I met him I came home and texted you. You took me back with open arms, reluctant at first, but still in love like you were before. Another year goes by, sadly, I did it again. Only I actually date someone for 3 months. Nothing comes out of it but a disgust for him and the downfall of our relationship. We get back together yet again. But it became different. Our fuses became shorter. Tempers flared more often. I was going to school, you dropped out. You spent your days getting drunk and getting high. I spent my days at school preparing for the real world. Then finally, you break up with me. I was devastated. We go a month without really talking. Then we decide to be friends. Worst mistake, boy. We get back into the same routine, we missed each other. Our passion gets the best of us you know. After that we’re fine for about a year. We decide to move in together. After four years of on and off. Four years of me breaking your heart and you breaking mine. The worst mistake we ever made in our lives. Not even 4 months in we break up. It’s the final time. You were done. It’s been almost 7 months since I’ve spoken to you in good terms. I miss you. You have a new girlfriend. Your best friend’s sister. She’s 4 years younger than you. I hear you fight constantly. And all I can think about is if you’re happy or not. Or if you’re filling the void because she’s convenient and not me. I wonder if you think about me the way I think of you. Do you ever miss me for certain things? I miss sleeping next to you. And how you always kissed my forehead. I miss the feeling of being complete. I’m wasting my time with endless booty calls. And every time I’m with someone I think of you. That’s when I miss you the most. I miss that passion and love. I miss looking into your eyes before we fall asleep and telling you how much you ment to me. You were the man I was going to marry. I still believe it. I feel as if we weren’t done. Even after all the hurt we caused each other. I feel as if we just needed to grow. We needed to know who we were as a person other than as us. I feel as if you’re not trying to grow. I think you moved on. And I’m stuck here waiting to move on. I’m not looking for love anymore because I don’t want it from anyone else. If I had one wish, I’d wish I would have known how much hurt you would have caused me. Even with knowing that, I’d still love you. Those four years were the best of my life. I just hope that we get another chance. But I’ll be okay with moving on too. I love you always my Nutterbutter. Don’t forget me.