I know, I can’t lump you all into the same category, but, seriously? You perplex me. I guess I just have bad luck. Here’s to all the guys that have been a part of my life.
First Boyfriend: Mental institution? Really? You didn’t seem THAT crazy. And now my entire hometown thinks it’s my fault for driving you insane. Wooo luck of the Irish.
Suicidal Church Guy: No one wants to hear her ex boyfriend give a testimony at church camp about how he tried to kill himself TWO months after she confessed to cheating on him. I apologized like 700 times and I was truly sorry. We only dated for like 3 months.
Crazy Redhead Socially Awkward Dude: Being makeout buddies was okay for awhile, but you drove my friends insane. You were so awkward and rude. This is why I quit responding to your texts. Sorry I made philosophy awkward for an entire semester… but you were so annoying.
Theta Xi Cheerleader Guy: We went to parties and on dates together for 2 weeks. You gave me the best first date of my life. Then you told your entire fraternity I was your girlfriend, stayed in my dorm, and dumped me in an obscure text 2 days later. Now every time I see a Theta they look at me knowingly and I walk quickly in the other direction. Douche move.
Really Hot Friend: You are pretty much the hottest guy ever, with your ridiculous abs. And a great kisser. We had a fun end to our graduating class trip. But did you really need to tell every person on the baseball team every detail about it? Probably not.
Ex BFF: We were friends for 10 years. Then you got a psycho controlling girlfriend that I hated. The feeling was mutual. Thanks for ditching me for a crazy two faced chick that whipped you in like 2 months. Grow a pair.
The One that Got Away: Why did you make me fall in love with you when you knew we lived in different countries? Why did you have to stay in PR for college? It’s a tiny little island. I wish you would’ve come to the US.
Mr. Church of Christ: I know you want to be a preacher. I’m fine with that. We might have lasted if you didn’t keep shoving doctrine down my throat and making me go to the most boring services EVER. There’s not even music! Does your church just hate Psalms?
And, last of all…
Love of My Life: Thank you for making up for all the time wasted on the guys listed above. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you so much. <3