i’m feeling extra needy tonight so i decided to take it here. i just miss you i guess. the adoration i feel for you feels so much greater than whatever it is you feel for me.
you never fail to disappoint me, sadly. i know you’re not the knight in shining armor. but i know i’m no damsel in distress either.
i just..it makes me sad. i want to you do things that make me think: “wow. i must be really special to him.”
but i know this won’t happen. it never has.
i’m still hoping though. that maybe, if i do something extra special for you, you’ll do something for me. that maybe if i romance you enough, you’ll romance me.
i’ll take you out to breakfast, i’ll go to the movies with you. i’ll buy you your stupid magic cards. i’ll make you a cd. i’ll take you out to dinner.
most of those things involve money. but i can’t think of another way to woo you.
i know how i’m wooed. do one romantic thing for me and i’m done. but i’ve never been good at doing the wooing. maybe i’ll take you into a wooded place where the moon is shining and kiss you.
would that be enough?
all i’m thinking as i’m writing this is: why can’t he do this for me?
do i have to tell him? do i have to walk up to him and say connor. woo me.
no, i’ve tried that. he just gets confused and asks too many questions.
just woo me connor. make me feel like i’m the most special girl in the world.
even if you don’t mean it.
because i know you don’t. i know you used to try to win girls hearts all the time. with your long hair and gangly body. they all rejected you. you made them cds, asked them out before you even knew them.
yet you do none of this for me. but you say you love me more than anything. why, connor, why. why don’t you? don’t you know how happy it would make me?
what do i have to do?
do i have to be one of those bitches who hurt you just to get you to pay attention to me?
i’m starting to think i do.
oh well. goodnight. i love you. i hope you have a good birthday tomorrow.