• scared and tired

    by  • June 30, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    how do i still miss you? how am i still going around in circles over this? what is wrong with me? we were just kids you 16 and me 17 but it was the first time in my life when i felt that happy, you made me feel that way, you made me feel wanted, needed, adequate. i ask myself over and over, if i loved you as much as i KNOW i did , then what happened? why did i do what i did? you couldnt forgive me, understandable really! but i miss you, so much! i guess i dont even know you enough to miss you really anymore, i miss how we were, i miss the way i was!

    i know its time to move on, two years is pretty pathetic really, i want to, i really want to be happy again but you were so amazing that i feel anything or anyone else will be second best

    i probably deserve second best!

    you have found new love, and i think somewhere deep down i’m happy for you, i’m glad you can be happy, but i wish it was with me, i’m sacred now, scared i’ll stay like this forever, so bitter and self hating and alone, you’re the one i pretend to talk to when i’m alone and upset and scared, because you were the last person to care when i felt like that, i messed that up nicely for myself didn’t i.

    what if i can never love someone the way i loved you again, because a little bit of me will always love you so i will never be able to give myself fully to anyone else, it scares me. i can’t believe i brought this all on myself, so many times since you stopped loving me i have pulled my entire world down around me, pushing people out and coming terrifyingly close to the edge, i’m sacred some day i won’t be able to recover, i’m getting tired,

    i scared of being tired
    and i’m tired of being scared

    love always
    A 0-)

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