So its been 20 days since I’ve talked to you, but not one day has gone by where you haven’t crossed my mind. You’re always there. Things come up and you’re the person I want to tell them to. Or I do things that remind me of you, of us. And I can’t tell you any of these things. Why? Because that’s how you’ve made it between us.
You just decided you didn’t want to be with me anymore, randomly. No warning, no weirdness between us, no fighting. And just like that, you were out of my life. After almost a year of talking and being together you were able to drop out with basically 4 text messages. Didn’t I deserve a little more than that? Didn’t our relationship mean more to you than that? Was I really not as important to you as I thought I was? As you made me seem? Because I don’t know anybody who would just go and do that and never say anything ever again. Do you not like me now to the point where we can’t even have a friendly chat? It’s like you didn’t even care. And thats the shitty part. I cared about you, so much. I never thought I would love anybody and I think I loved you.
I cried over you. My friends put up with so many tears. I cried on my birthday. And you? Your friends said you were perfectly fine. How’d you do it? How’d you go from a relationship like ours to nothing and not let it phase you one bit? I wish so much we could switch spots and I could be the one not caring. Because thats the worst part, caring. It sucks. Because I know you’re fine and I’m not. What you did hurt me and I don’t think you’ll ever understand it.
I miss you. I miss your laugh. I miss our weirdness together. I miss our songs. I miss our face. I miss not being scared while we watched scary movies together. I miss how you held me. I miss how you would never pressure me. I miss how you would tickle me. I miss how we would just sit in your driveway, being late for your curfew, and talk. I miss how you understood me and my life. I miss everything about you. And that’s all I’m left with, missing you and the empty space inside of me that you used to fill. You were “perfect” or pretty close to that, you were never like any other high school boys. People never understood our relationship because it was special. And I have to be reminded of you every day when I drive by your house on my way out of the neighborhood.
I almost wish you cheated on me or something so I could hate you and it’d be easier to get over you. You somehow turned into the typical guy the last day of our relationship. Something I never thought you would be. I guess I can’t have expectations. I thought you were a better person than the way you’ve acted in the last 21 days. I wish I could hate you, but I can’t.
I don’t understand why you did what you did. You didn’t give me a legit explanation. I want the hurt to go away. They say the first cuts the deepest, and I believe them. I don’t know if I want you to talk to me or if it’s easier if you just don’t.
I guess all I can think of is I’m happier that you were in my life than if you never were at all. You showed me how great relationships can be and how they can make you feel, and I thank you for that. I never really believed in dating, I always thought it was pretty pointless. But, you showed me how amazing it is even though nothing lasts forever as much as I want it to. You are a great person and I’m glad you were able to be a chapter in my life.
I hope you can become just another one of my many memories and not take over all my thoughts in a day. I hope I can get over you and move on and I can look back at you and our times together and smile.