• Just Me

    by  • June 30, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments


    I smile when I’m embarassed and then laugh about it later.
    I get embarassed very easily.
    I’m open about myself. What you see is what you get.
    But I keep my pain private.
    Not because I can’t admit pain.
    I just don’t dump on people.
    I have pride.
    I admit pain.
    And then deal with it.
    If you’ve seen me cry, I was either very out-of-control, or I trust you very much.
    I’m very positive.
    I always see the best in people.
    I have great faith in God.
    And that makes me have faith in people and their potential.
    But I see through to the motives.
    Don’t flatter me.
    If you have ulterior motives, don’t bother giving me a compliment.
    I love animals.
    To my own embarassment, I cry about my dog that got put down when I was seventeen.
    And I cry about my great-grandmother who I don’t remember.
    But as she was dying of cancer, my mom asked her,
    ”Grandma, do you have any regrets?”
    And she said her only regret is that I wouldn’t remember her.
    So I cry.
    I do weird things.
    I’ve always been that way.
    I was a curious kid.
    I wanted to know what it would be like to be crippled.
    So I refused to use my legs for a day.
    I appreciate legs now.
    I like to imagine what my funeral will be like.
    I wouldn’t want people to cry.
    I would want them to laugh at stupid things I had done or funny things I had said.
    I would want them to celebrate that I had lived.
    I’m not afraid of death.
    My death will be like a wedding.
    I’ll finally be with Jesus.
    I look forward to it, although I have great zeal for life.
    There are things I can’t stand:
    If you do those things to me, I will be calm and forgiving.
    If I see you doing them to someone else, I will be furious.
    I’m close to my family.
    I have a big, loud family. Ever seen my Big, Fat, Greek Wedding?
    That’s my family-the white version.
    I grew up at a Filipino church in California.
    I thought I was Filipino.
    I still do.
    I love to read.
    I want to discover things.
    So I will read a really difficult book, just to understand why it’s famous.
    I’m very musical.
    I sing and play the piano.
    I pick up instruments quickly.
    I write in journals and I think some of my poetry is good.
    But I only write poetry when I’m incredibly depressed or angry.
    I’m generally a happy person.
    I was lucky with the family I got.
    So people think I have never suffered.
    But I have.
    Usually at my own hands.
    I’m in love with someone who’s no-good.
    But I’ve decided to be happy.
    I ramble. Obviously.
    Thanks to whoever reads this. I’d like to know you too.

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