Since we met again, I developed pretty strong feelings for you and I know you have for me as well. I think I found my soulmate in you.
That day you stopped by while I was at your house, our eyes connected and we found each other’s soul, it was an amazing feeling I had never felt before when looking at a persons eyes and doubt I will ever feel again with anybody but you. Before you left, you said you had to stop by and see something, I know it was our soul connection you were looking for and you found it. I had always felt something when looking in your eyes but that day it was stronger than ever before.
I also know she knew about us meeting again before I told her, she had to have known that day you kept asking me how to get to my daughter’s dads house and I gave you the exact directions which was right over by where we first met. Once you got me to tell the exact directions, she said “Oh, that” as if to say she just realized we were talking in our secret code. I remember the way you walked over and leaned back against the car afterwards and the look on your face. I remember all the ways you tried telling me including the drive around the lake. I also remember the way she was looking at me as if to see if I remembered the lake. And the day you told the tree story, I am pretty sure she knew it affected both of us when she said “Oh shit”. I’ve had a feeling she knew for a long time and knows how we feel about each other. And oh, how about that Twilight movie we were watching… she said something about first loves and I have a feeling she was talking about us.
But you also told me, in your secret code, to watch where I put my hands when they were showing that one scene in the movie. You told me on a few occasions that she needs you. And I get it, we know we both feel something for each other and you were telling me to resist the temptation and making excuses for why you couldn’t be with me.
And I know that we could never be together unless she was okay with it. It is so strange how her and I became the best of friends. You found a good woman and I wish you two much happiness in life. I do hope I get to be a part of that journey as a friend… no matter what we feel for each other.
But is that the right thing to want considering what I feel for you and you for me? Can we be okay as friends? Will I always want more? Will I ever find the one for me? I know the situation I was in was bad, but I kept trying because I wanted to feel love and forget what I felt for you. He is in love with me and that is a great feeling but with that comes all the bad he has to offer right now. And as much as I want to fall totally in love with him, he is not the person I need him to be right now. He has a lot of issues to work out.
When I first told him about you, he was critical of us still being friends but he told me recently when I asked him if he would want to be friends with my friends, he said that being friends with you might be okay but he has a problem with your girlfriend, my best friend, because she tried setting me up with your best friend. And he doesn’t want me to remain friends with her. I made my choice… I chose her friendship. And he made the choice for us to break up until he can take me out properly and prove to her that I am deserving of him, that is if I am not already with someone else when he finally gets his shit together.