I am so, so sorry. I lied when I told you I loved you. Really, I just want you. I want to you to stay with me. I want you to cuddle with me on my futon while we watch the endless list of movies you want me to watch. I want you to look me in the eyes and say cute things. I want you to kiss me on the forehead, then my nose, then my lips. I want you to want me. I want you to love me, even though I know I don’t love you back. You make me feel good- wanted, loved. So I just say that I love you back, to make you feel the same, but in all honesty, I stopped caring about everything a long while back. It’s hard to care about someone when all you’ve ever known was to distance yourself to avoid being hurt.
I lied when I told you I’d never leave you. I lied when I told you I’d never hurt you.
I’m sorry that I am so selfish. I’m sorry that I still plan to kill myself even though I know it will destroy you.