• I wish

    by  • June 30, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 0 Comments

    I wish things were black and white. No grey area.
    I wish that people couldn’t lie, if that very lie caused pain to someone else.
    I wish that one guy, and one girl could be in love, and just be together for the rest of their lives, like they could in the old days.
    I wish that life was simple.
    Like 80’s pop song simple. I want you to want me, and boom.
    Now it’s more like, I want you to want me, and only me. I also want you to be with me, and only me, and I want you to want to be with me, when ever you can. But I don’t want you to want me to the point where it’s clingy, because then I’ll get sick of you.
    I wish that someone would want me more than anything else in the world. I wish that someone would just love me, for me, exactly the way that I am, and believes that I’m the most wonderful person in the world. I wish that I was someone’s priority. To be the first person they think of when they wake up, and the last thing on their mind before they sleep.
    I wish that I could feel safe and secure, and never have to wonder,”what if.”
    I wish that I could just know exactly what it is that my head and my heart are telling me to do.
    I wish they would get along, and want the same thing.
    I wish that everything was easier.
    I wish that life was perfect.

    I wish that HE would want these things too.

    Dear You,

    I wish that I knew exactly what to do in this situation you’ve gotten us into. This is so hard for me.
    I feel like you aren’t being honest with me, despite your efforts and elaborate story telling.
    I feel betrayed. You claim that it wasn’t you that sent these messages, and it wasn’t you that was picking up this woman, 7 years your senior. With a child, might I add.
    I’ve always given you the benefit of the doubt on pretty well everything.
    I have always been there, backing you up, and believing your stories, despite people’s warnings. And even my dreams haunting me.
    They are right. I am living in this relationship based on the potential I know is deep down in your soul.
    The potential that made me fall in love with you, to be this amazing, positive, energetic, happy go lucky, glowing and smiley person. A romantic boyfriend, and amazing lover, that makes me smile from ear to ear.
    This person that loves me. and ONLY me.
    I let last summer slide, and promised to let the past stay in the past. But now, it’s happening again. I feel like I don’t want to live with out you, and I don’t want to imagine my life with out you, but you aren’t giving me an option. You’re testing my limits, and pushing the boundaries.
    You say that you love me more than anything, and if I left, you’d be devastated. So why am I not enough for you. Is one just not enough for you?
    I try so hard for you. To do everything for you. To stay strong, and loyal as your woman. To pick you up when you’ve had too much to drink, and make you breakfast in the morning after.
    To always forgive you, despite your many “I’ll make it up to you’s”.
    To put away your laundry, and wash your clothes, and do everything it is that a good partner should do.
    I try to always listen, and be supportive and cheer you up when you’re feeling blue.
    To help free you, when you’re in a pickle. And I wait, and I wait, and I wait, as you chase your dreams everywhere but here.
    I wish you could do better by me, cause that’s what I deserve.
    I sacrifice so much of my life, in order for this to work.
    I don’t ask for anything from you, but love, honesty, and faithfulness.
    I feel like there’s a lot of missing spaces.
    Maybe we are in different places in our lives? Maybe I’m looking for more than you are willing to provide me, but I please just ask you, to set me free, if you can’t be the one for me.
    Please don’t hold me down and hold me back any more, and let me spread my wings, so that I can soar.
    I want nothing more in this world than to soar with you, and build a life, a family and a future with you. I just don’t feel that you are soaring beside me, and I think I’m breakin down.

    I’m scared, but I need to break free. With or without you.

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