• I love a lie

    by  • June 30, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, God, Sex • 0 Comments

    Why can’t I be angry at you for the ways you hurt me? Probably because you are still in pain more than me.

    I hate the way you tried to force yourself on me. You justified it by saying that I wanted it too and just needed persuading. But you don’t know me. You don’t know that I have dreams about how I will give myself away sexually, and if it doesn’t happen the right way, at the right time, and with the right person, I will be shattered.

    You don’t know that, because you never tried to find out. It wasn’t about a mutual desire, it was about you trying to push me so you could get what you wanted. It was about you feeling good. It was never about me. You didn’t want me because you loved me. You wanted me because you’re lonely, unhappy, and you’re life is empty. And you feel bad about yourself every day because that other woman broke your heart. You want me to fill the hole with sex.

    I want to be wanted for me, all of me. And you should have talked to me to find out my heart before you tried to take my body.

    The sad thing is, I think I’m in love with you.

    But I broke things off because I knew we would always be at odds if we were together. I would have to choose between you and God, and no one has the right to ask that of me. No one.

    There is a lot to me. The biggest part of me is God. If you hate God, then you can’t appreciate most of my attributes.

    So, thanks for making me love you so that you could get what you wanted.

    I’m happy I didn’t give in.

    I went places I didn’t want to go with you. But I’m glad that I never truly gave in. You got tired of it and finally stopped chasing me. Now you don’t even want to talk to me. I’m sorry I hurt you. I hate that I did that to you. But are you sorry you hurt me? Do you even know how much it hurts every day? Because I can’t go back.

    ”Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
    Do no arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”
    Song of Solomon 8:4

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