I am sorry.
I never meant to hurt you but you are torn apart and it is all my fault. I loved you more than anyone, but I realized it just wasn’t enough. You made me your life around me and you loved me unconditionally. Calling me perfect, but I am not perfect. I am broken. I am empty. I am unsure of everything. I committed to marry you and ran away when things got hard because I realized that I am too damaged to be with anyone and you are too damaged to feel like you can be without me. You think you needed me as your reason to come home from war, but I could not hold you up as you fell apart while you were so far away. I failed you and you sat and thought it was all your fault. It was me. I am incapable of loving someone enough to commit my life to them. I have never seen real love and it terrifies me so I ran away. Ending things the way I did was wrong… you deserved so much more. An email while you were across the world… but I knew that if I heard your voice I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t have walked away like I did… like I needed to. In your presence I became weak and fearful but on my own I am strong. I can hold myself together now and continue seeking my dreams alone. I feel crazy for letting go one of the few good men left in this world but I am not a good woman. You deserve someone capable of loving you as much as you could love them and I am so sorry that it couldn’t be me.
I know you have erased me from your life and believe me I understand. I also know that I am a cold hearted bitch that left you when you needed me the most. But I did this for both of us even if you will never know it or believe it. You needed to know how to survive without me as your crutch. I know that we will never be together again and I am slowly accepting that because you probably hate me. It kills me inside that I hurt you in any way… I love you more than you could ever know… even if you would never believe it.
Oh, and don’t worry. I will probably never marry someone or have a happy lasting relationship, and someday I know you will. You will be happy and I will have a career. All I wish is for your happiness. Nothing else matters.
I will always love you