• Dear Leah.

    by  • June 30, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    Hey there Boston girl. I don’t know if you are reading this from Bennington, Boston, Paris, or Arundel, but you are reading it from somewhere. So here it is. My magnum opus. Spilling my thoughts out onto empty canvas in the dead of night wile the night hawks drink and party outside my door.

    You are forgiven. For everything. I hold no bounds. I have no grudge to carry, no more weight to bear. I have been completely reforged to another version of myself. And he has forgiven you.

    This is not a plea or ploy to see you or hear from you. It’s not a trick. It’s not a scam. It’s my unfettered thoughts to be read by the woman I loved.

    I say loved not in the sense that I have ceased loving you, caring about you, thinking about you, and wishing day by ever-passing day that you would reach out to me. No, ‘love’ is used in its past tense as a tonal reminder that we have both changed. I am not entirely certain that I would recognize you after these long months. Not that you will have grown or your physical appearance will have changed so drastically; but rather that the person who you became when you went away is not the same human being I was so devoted to. Much the same can be said for me. I don’t know if my changes or yours are for the better or the worse. But they are as they are. We have both changed.

    It will please you to know that I’m much healthier now. Physically and mentally. I have lost a lot of weight and am eating healthier as well as seeing a great doctor for my issues. I hope much of the same can be said for you.

    I miss you in my life. Not as a girlfriend or a confidant or even as a best friend, or friend at all. I am not requesting any commitment of that magnitude. But Id like to just have you in my life again in some manner. Perhaps you could send me a text.

    Given, have done some shitty things in my life, some of them to you. But I’d like an opportunity to remedy my mistakes. I will own them. They are mine and I take the necessary responsibility. I can’t make you forgive me for my fuck-ups. But I can forgive you for yours. Even if you don’t care. Even if your heart is hard towards me, I forgive you.

    Now its off to bed for me.

    Yours Truly:

    An Irishman from South Carolina

    Brian.

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