• Dear Bunny

    by  • June 30, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 1 Comment

    You’re my best friend. You’re my everything. I wake up every day wanting to look into your blue eyes and tell you how much I love you, but I can’t. Someone stands in our way, keeping us from being together. Just to sit by your side and only be your best friend would mean the world to me, but still her insecurities keep us apart. You’re not allowed to see me so instead we sit with computers and the world between us when you’re only thirty minutes away.

    It breaks my heart every time I think of the space between us. And every time you mention her name I can feel daggers being stabbed deep in my chest. And it would be okay if my feelings weren’t reciprocated. But to be loved back by my best friend hurts more than it should.

    I’m constantly thinking of the what ifs. We never fight, we never argue, we rarely disagree. We fit perfectly together. Our similarities are uncanny and our flaws are forgivable. We make sense. I stay up at night thinking of how perfectly we would be together. I would never ask or expect anything of you but you would do it all anyways because you know me as well as you know yourself. It would be as effortless as breathing, you and I. But there’s someone who comes before me.

    As I think back upon our relationship, I realize that although my feelings have always been perfectly clear, I’ve never come out and said exactly what I wanted. Here’s my chance to tell you what I’ve desperately been wanting to say. And as much as it’ll feel good to finally let it out, the hard part is knowing that even if you end up reading it, you’ll never do what I ask.

    So pick me. Choose me. Love me.

    You’ll always be my best friend. And you’ll always be the love of my life and my other half. You’re the most important person I have. But I’m tired of being a close second. I want my chance at happiness too.

    Your baby, your wifey, your best friend, and hopefully someday so much more….

    One Response to Dear Bunny

    1. Bunny
      June 30, 2011 at 10:09 pm

      hi baby
      im sitting here and reading this. and yea you guessed it. im crying. again.
      i love you so incredibly much. but i guess if its hurting you, i should stop. i know how dumb that sounds. but you of all people understand what its like to want to do what ever i can to make you happy. i spend every day with you as much as i can be, ive lost sleep, friends and much more, just to spend those long hours talking to you. and i wouldnt trade it back for anything.
      but youre right. and it kills. me. literally kills me to say this, because so much of me wishes it weren’t true anymore, but even if its only a tiny bit, i do love her more. youve changed me baby. into someone that the old me wouldnt even recognize. i’m a nicer person, for one single reason. you.
      every breath i’ve taken in the last week or so has been because you gave me a reason to keep living.in this last month, i’ve come so close to death so many times, only to be saved time and time again by the girl im madly in love with. and i may be here physically, but mentally, you already know ive lost it. i know you say theres hope or that theres a chance. and yea i say it too, but im gone baby. that stuff yesterday, part of me hopes it’ll end this all for me. because i dont know how much longer i can live with myself hurting you like this.
      i love you, more than you can even begin to imagine, but i know it’l never be good enough unless im actually there to prove it.
      i wish i could change how i feel about her, about you, about everything. i wish tere was a way to make you both happy. but the only thing stronger than that, is my overpowering remorse for what ive done to my best friend, because youre right. i am spineless. even if i wanted to leave, i probably wouldnt, not without your help.
      im sorry for breaking your heart. and im sorry for hurting you.
      love, bunny. (H)

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