• To Anyone Who Feels Alone

    by  • June 29, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Loneliness • 4 Comments

    When you look at me at first glance it looks like i have everything together. My family has money in the bank, I went to a good high school, I get good grades, I have a social life. But I don’t have everything together at all.

    I am lost and confused in this world. I feel like all my friends don’t care about me at all and don’t want to be friends with me. My family is completely divided and torn apart and I am the messenger who has to hear everyone’s complaints. I just found out my mother has borderline personality disorder which causes her to criticize me at every move I make and emotional, verbally and physically abuse me. And I have a father who just retired who is now depressed because his job was his whole life (more than me his only daughter/child). I feel like every decision I make is wrong and just makes things worse for everyone. I hate the college I decided to go to and I cry myself to sleep at least once a week. I fell for a boy who liked me, then I got so afraid of being close to someone I purposely messed it up so I would not drag him into my stressful life.

    I hold all this in because I don’t want people to feel bad for me and I don’t know who to open up to and talk to. Every time I start to open up and share part of my story people shut me down because they think I have nothing to worry about or problems. Well I do! We all do! WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS!

    So I hope I am not the only person out there holding secrets in like this, because it is a very lonely feeling. And if you are out there know that you are not alone! When you see someone whether it is in class, that person you see don’t know but see every day, that person with a smile on their face, or the old man sitting at a table alone, don’t think that you know how they feel. Even when people are busy and surrounded by people they can feel completely alone.

    Thus to all how are feeing this way, please tell me I’m not alone. I can’t stand feeling like this anymore. I just want to know I am not alone, even though in some aspects I caused it.

    To all those who read this thank you for letting me finally be able to vent to someone.

    Ms. Perfect on the outside & completely falling apart on the inside

    4 Responses to To Anyone Who Feels Alone

    1. No name
      June 29, 2011 at 8:25 pm

      I hope things improve, my dear. <3

    2. J
      June 29, 2011 at 10:44 pm

      Just to let you know, it’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to feel alone. But letting people in is the best way to solve these problems, and this is a good start. I know it’s hard, it’s damn hard, but in the end it is well worth your time to reach out to the people who you love, and talk to them. If they really are worth your time they will understand and want to help you. It’s ok to need help.
      Remember, it’s always possible to change your life if you want to. You just have to want to.
      You are loved.

    3. Jackie
      June 30, 2011 at 11:13 pm

      i feel ya sister, completely. it’s so hard to put on a facade all the time when you’re a mess on the inside.

      people are stupid and obnoxious if they don’t listen. there must be SOMEONE who you can talk to. just keep trying, keep looking for someone. somebody in person needs to hear what’s going on in your life and that alone should give you a huge sigh of relief, just letting it out (even more than just through letters i’ll never send). and maybe you can get some advice!

    4. Uncool
      July 1, 2011 at 1:00 am

      You know I was thinking real long about whether to respond to this because it mirrors my life a little to well, and that I think I’m making everyone sick of my ill advice lol. :/

      Any who the facade wears thin on our ego’s because it makes feel less connected to our true-selves. And that scares us, the dissociation of your feelings of those around you and how you think of yourself. Its that conflict that makes us wish we don’t wake up in the morning to go and deal with it but the thing is we have to. To have to face the fear, hatred, sadness, and more so the loneliness because if we don’t, it will consume you.

      A snippet from me is that my parents are financially stable for the moment but they loathe each other, my sisters think they know better and treat others very poorly, and my brother treats me like garbage and often picks on me for being aloof and distant. And I told a girl I loved her and all I got was a thanks but no thanks. Imagine how I would feel? Nevertheless I keep trying to live my life and even if I lose my way and are alone, I know that in reality I’m never truly alone because I read letters like this to remind me that things will get better so long as I continue to strive to make things better.

      I also got a link to an artist by the name Lights whom you may like:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7r5N9NLENo

      She gets me through the tough days when I don’t think there is much to look forward to. Any way I prattle on to much, hope this helps. 🙂

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