• Letter to Home

    by  • June 29, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    Dear Daystar,

    So the world’s supposed to end tomorrow.
    Do you believe it?
    All this concrete, people, music, oceans, love
    It’s all just supposed to stop.
    I know – you’ve probably researched everywhere and then created your own speculation
    You probably know exactly what’s going to happen.
    Me – I’m not so sure.
    Because I don’t have faith in anything (except you)
    Maybe the world will end
    Maybe it won’t
    There’s no way to know for sure.

    I picture the end as peaceful
    I mean, we all must have seen it coming at one point or another
    And for me, the world has been a growing tragedy.
    You may see it as those moments before a fatal accident-
    Where everything’s moving in slow motion
    And you know exactly what to do but for some reason, you can’t move
    Your muscles feel frozen…
    Or maybe you see it as something more gradual-
    Like a loved one with some incurable disease
    And everyone’s working to find a cure – we have since the beginning
    Some have given up hope
    And some just look on with pity, wishing someone would put the terminally ill out of its misery…

    The world ending…
    It isn’t a shock anymore
    And once it happens, I think I’ll just let out a sigh of relief.
    That it – everything – finally ended.
    I guess the only problem with that plan is that I reside in this forsaken nightmare.
    And if it goes, I guess that means I’m going too.

    I thought about that last night – my end.
    And I don’t think I’m ready for it
    But ready or not – it could come tomorrow.
    And I at least have wanted to accomplish something.
    There’s no way I could cross all the items off my lists –
    I made those when I thought I have a lifetime
    (Well, it’s still a lifetime I suppose)
    And I thought about what I could do – even if it was just one thing-
    One thing I could do to rest somewhat peacefully.

    What I’m about to tell you may disgust you
    But it’s something I simply had to do…

    Every night, I think about this letter.
    I dream of all the things I would say if I-
    If I had the courage to say them.
    The thing is – I’m falling in love with you.
    I have been for almost two years now
    I keep falling because I hope someday you’ll catch me
    And after the initial thrill of falling wears off, we’ll be in love
    It won’t be a rash fire, wild and destructive
    But rather small…only warmer than any fire on the mountain
    At least – this is what happens in my dreams.

    Many days go by when I don’t think I’m even worthy
    I don’t deserve you – this I know.
    But now that I’ve fallen, I just can’t stop.

    It’s something about you –
    How when you smile, your entire face lights up
    And how you try to do everything on your own, with your own strength
    (you don’t need me like I need you)
    And how you only ever say good things about people
    And how you’ll do anything to protect your friends
    And how you’ve never once worn a mask.

    You are a day star
    Your light out-shines the sun
    And fills the broken world with magnificent benevolence
    Even in the day, I can see your light
    And even now – as the world is burning – your light is stronger.

    I understand the world may not end
    But I thought you deserved to know
    if someone was falling for you
    And I’m sorry it took me so long to reveal the truth
    And if the world is ending…
    Well, please know you have been noticed
    And please smile for me
    If I get to see your smile one last time…

    …I can die happy.

    Sincerely, The Girl Who Wears Masks

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