• I wish I didn’t care

    by  • June 28, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    Sometimes I wish I could be more like you. Sometimes I wish I could just openly not care about things, or even people for that matter. I know I care too much. Perhaps things would be easier on me if I didn’t.

    Last night after days of not talking to me, you randomly chatted with me. You started off with “Hi.” and I could tell something was wrong. You told me that you are behind on bills and your phone will be taken from you today if you can’t make a payment. Though that is a sucky situation it’s hard for me to feel sympathy for you. You used to have a job, and you used to be taking classes in college. Now, you don’t have any of that, and all you care about is your new gf and fighting. Granted, you are good at fighting and it tends to get you money so it’s not necessarily bad, it’s just not enough for you to live off of.

    Of course I didn’t say anything that I thought was mean to you. All I said was i’m sorry, and if you didn’t get another job the situation probably isn’t going to get better. I’m assuming this annoyed you because you stopped talking to me after that. I’m not sure why I’m even surprised anymore. That is always how you’ve said goodbye, complete silence. I texted you to make sure you weren’t upset. Why did I do that? I don’t know. It didn’t matter anyway because you didn’t respond, something you’re really good at.

    I don’t even know why I still care about you. You’ve never really been that great of friend to me. The one time we were extremely close you ended up doing your best to push me away, and ended up just hurting me. You’ve said a million times you are sorry for that. Sometimes It’s hard to believe when you ignore me, which is often. What was the point in even starting a conversation with me if you had no intent on finishing it? Please stop doing that. Even though we are only friends, and I know you probably don’t care about me all that much, it still hurts when you’ve decided whatever you are doing is more important than me and you just ignore me. I hate being ignored.

    I learned a lot from you. And I know deep down you aren’t a bad person. But honestly, I wish I didn’t care anymore. That way, when you ignore me, it wouldn’t matter.

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