As the plane descends back into the land where my heart was lost, wait, destroyed, a sinking feeling washes over me. Back again to loneliness and heart ache. Back again to questioning choices and struggling with the need to fill the void that was created in my soul. Did I ever really love him, did he ever really love me? Why is it ALWAYS a repetition of disaster. Why do I keep repeating the same patterns and getting hung up on the same obstacles? Everyone else seems to be able to fumble through this shit just fine. When am I going to find MY way? I could cry. I could puke. I don’t want to come back to this part of my life. I just want whatever is suppsed to work out to just work out already. I feel dizzy. I feel sick and I don’t think it is the change in altitude that is giving me this sense of pressure. I want to wish him happiness, I want him to find what he is looking for. I just wish it would have been me, or do I? Fuck everything is so unfair and confusing. I say brand new me same shitty you, but really inside I know it’s same old me, same shitty me. And this feeling needs to go away.