• Why Is It With You?

    by  • June 27, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion, Heartbreak, Waxing Poetic • 0 Comments

    I’m starting to remember things again.
    The memories of the times we had flash in my mind,
    as if they were just yesterday.
    It’s not that the memories themselves that are painful,
    it’s the dull aching that’s left behind when they’re gone that bothers me.
    Sometimes, I tell myself that it’s okay to remember,
    that after thinking about you enough, I’ll soon get over this, whatever we had.
    By the end of summer, I’ll have moved on.
    Just like with all the others.
    But the thing is, you’re not like the others.
    You never were.
    This terribly cliched feeling I have inside,
    I never had with them.
    This empty, unending pit that forms
    when I think I’ll never see you again
    was never here before.
    So why is it with you?

    I’m scared that the more I think about you,
    the more I remember the memories we shared,
    the more I wonder about where we could be,
    the harder it will be to move on.
    But either way, I can’t forget,
    which is highly unlike me.
    I can forget most things, almost anything,
    and I can just barely remember the events of this entire school year.
    But I still remember almost every day I’ve spent
    laughing with you,
    thinking about you,
    falling asleep in your arms.
    It’s never been this hard to forget before, never.
    So why is it with you?

    I want to tell someone about this,
    and I’ve gotten close,
    but I know no one would understand.
    Unless they tore it out and examined it,
    and even then,
    they’d only get a glimpse of it,
    what’s in my head.
    It confuses me to no end,
    how this happened.
    I promised myself I’d learn,
    to carefully wrap my heart.
    After having it been fooled, lost,
    torn beyond repair.
    I promised myself I wouldn’t have it snatched away again,
    that I would keep this unfortunate heart,
    safely locked away,
    behind my walls of insecurities,
    underneath my oceans of fear,
    lost within the clouds of my self doubt,
    never to have it stolen again.

    so my one last question is
    why is it with you?

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