Why is it that you can be so utterly in love with someone but still hold something back? Why is it that you can’t imagine a day without this person but still act as if you dont care? What makes you able to tell someone you love them for the first time in one night and have meaningless sex with a stranger 10 minutes later? Why does getting with someone you used to care about seem a much bigger act of betrayal? Is it because the last guy you were with made you think that sex was not a big deal? Is it because he taught you to not act like you care? Why are you so uncomfortable with these truly good man yet you could say anything to the last? Has he permanently scarred you for life or is this just a phase? Better yet, would he still love me if I wasn’t broken? Will I ever be able to get serious again? I wish I could go back to life before him, before I knew what the real world was like. but then again, who knows where i would be and who I would be with.