• Screw you, Memaw…

    by  • June 27, 2011 • Anger, Children • 0 Comments

    I have many things I have wanted to say to you for the longest time. You wrote me an email the day your grandson was born criticizing me for the hard decision I had to make to keep your son, my son’s father, out of our lives. I never responded.

    Well, here’s my response:

    When you said:
    “You have a daddy who does love you very much and will, to his best ability, make the right choices for you. You have a mommy who loves you very much and will also, to the best she knows, make the choices she thinks are right.Someday, you may look back on some of these choices and question them … understood….”

    I wanted to say:
    Screw you. I made the choice that I know is right. When he has questions, it won’t be why did I choose this, it will be why doesn’t Scott ever try to see me. And I have my answer. I have sworn statements to show him, I have Scott’s own words to let him listen to and see, and I will have weeks/months/years of proof of why I chose to keep Corban safe from Scott. Scott can’t even make the right choices for himself, how on earth do you expect him to be able to make them for a baby AND his “ability” to be a father is greatly impaired by the fact that he’s a drug addict.

    When you said:
    “I pray that you both will put your personal feelings about each other (something it took my kids growing up for me to finally do with their father) aside and make the choices about Corban only about him.”

    I wanted to say:
    My choice was ONLY about Corban. The only way my feelings about Scott factored in was through the thought, “Is Scott safe for a child to be around.” The answer is no. Corban has been my reason for everything in my life since I found out I was going to have him: I changed my life goals, I fought for a dying, abusive relationship when I thought it was best for him, I gave up on that relationship when I saw just how terrible it was and would be, I work at a job that is way under my caliber in order to be able to spend more time with him, I don’t buy fancy cars, boats, phones, food, clothes, etc because buying his toys, clothes, medicine, diapers, safety items, nursery furniture, soothing items, bath supplies, detergent, etc is more important to me. AND I’ve bought all of that ON MY OWN with no help from my son’s dead beat father. I financially support him totally on my own. My parents don’t contribute to his care because I am his parent, not them. He is not their responsibility and never has been. I am thankful that I am able to provide for him what I can, no thanks to your son. Don’t lecture me about how your son is hurting when his son doesn’t even register for him in any way. I have not banned Scott from seeing Corban, Scott did that all on his own. I only set precautions in place so that Corban would be protected. This isn’t personal: this is my son, and he WILL be kept safe, regardless of who it hurts. Would that I could will Scott sober so he’d be safe, for the most part, for Corban to be around, but that’s the tough part of being a mom: sometimes you have to make the hard decisions to keep your child safe, regardless of how you would have wanted it (And please note, that is in NO way saying that I want Scott and I back together, it is only saying I wish Corban could have had a chance to know the man that WAS Scott, not the man Scott is today. They are 2 different men.). Scott could’ve stepped up, gotten sober and been a part of his life, instead he chose to stay away and stay high. That is NOT my fault and you can NOT continue to blame me for his addiction because you want to keep enabling him. Don’t you EVER tell me that this isn’t all about Corban.

    When you said:
    “But even good mothers can let their emotions, fears and even words from other people influence their choices.”

    I wanted to say:
    Turn this advice around on yourself and open your eyes to the fact that your son is addicted to drugs. Would sober Scott ever have walked out on his son? You have blinded yourself and enabled Scott in his drug abuse. Open your eyes and GET HIM HELP. Eventually, I want Corban to have the chance to meet his father and that can’t happen if Scott’s addicted to drugs or dead from his addiction.

    When you said:
    “Just know that eventually he’ll have questions about the choices you make now. Be prepared because, trust me, they can be hard to hear and hard to answer.”

    I wanted to say:
    The answers won’t be hard. I know how I will respond, and the response will be different for each stage of Corban’s life until he is finally old enough and mature enough to handle the truth. And it won’t be my truth that I tell him. I will let Scott answer with the words he has already said, or sent rather. I am not scared of defending my choice. Scott is the one missing out and Scott will be the one who will need to defend his actions. My son is worth a hell of a lot more than a few pills and dime bag of weed to me, and someday I hope he’s worth more than that to Scott , too.

    So screw you, Memaw.

    Sincerely,
    A good (and mad) mother.

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