• Orange and Teal chipped nailpolish

    by  • June 27, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Miss You, Trust • 0 Comments

    there was this one time we stayed on the phone for like 6 hours and i sat on my couch upside down and we understood everything we were both saying because everything one of us said the other was about to say themselves.. it was like we were both finally validated. And there was another time when we lied on a dock listening to frogs for hours after giving the new neighbors oranges to greet them because that’s all we had and they were hot… and there were far too many times to count when we lied in bed on a school night and tried to fall asleep but couldn’t because we had so much to say to each other, and there are so many times where with any one else, i would probably have been called weird for saying or doing something and you will just say something weirder. There have been so many times where every moment i spend with you i drink up like water after running a 12k cancer run. You’re my best friend in every way. The color of my soul, we have agreed, is orange and yours is teal. But everytime we get our nails done or buy clothing, i buy teal and you buy orange, because our colors look better on each other. and I will never regret the day i met you in the sixth grade for one moment in my life. I will never regret all the times we threw chairs in the middle of the hallway in our middle school to laugh when the vice principal quizzically picked them up… or all the stupid faces we have made at each other when we say what the other one was thinking… or all the times we laughed at your parents being psycho and my parents being the same. or all the notes i have written you and you have hanging up on your walls or the little etch-e-sketch pen i bought for you, i will never regret writing happy birthday in pine cones on your porch or flashing the world at midnight….or getting mitch-matched pokey sticks, or laughing on my kitchen floor or comparing everything to seven dead babies or cocaine… or anything we have ever done…there is only one time in our friendship i will ever regret.. and that’s the day you broke a promise. and the day where i couldn’t even talk to you because i felt betrayed…and i couldn’t even think because everything in my life is how it is because we are soul sisters, the day i had to stop myself from crying in all of my classes by chipping off the teal nailpolish on my fingers and try as hard as i could to not think of how we didn’t even plan our nails to be our soul sister colors that time.. Everything i do, i do with a little bit of you in it. Ever since the day you broke the promise, every time i realize another thing that you have affected in my life i smile a little, but there is a painful sting i try not to notice. and i know that i always miss you…because being around you makes me better, and of course i have forgiven you, you’re my best friend, but every time you tell me something now, every time i think something about you i know is not true, there is a small flash of doubt that goes through me and i feel as if my guts are falling out because there is a part of me that can’t trust you anymore. I resent that feeling more than i have ever resented anything, including my arch nemesis (he works at qfc)or the girl in first period whose name rhymes with mine, and so in a little way, a little very painful terrible way, i have begun to resent you, and i hate it. because i love you so much more, and my heart hurts because of what you did but if i let my self heal and didn’t talk to you for a while, i would not be able to stand my self because i would know how much i would be hurting you. and that one day i didn’t talk to you, that was the worse day of my life. so i can’t stop. but going forward hurts too, and of course i will make it through this… it’s just hard right now… and i miss trusting you.

    Leave a Reply