I have no right being in this relationship. I’m a million emotions, bottled into one person. I’m angry. I do not like the cards that have been played for me- and YES I do mean when I say “for me”! I had no choice to being born to a young girl that admits to never wanting me, or to a father that couldn’t stand her. Some could argue I had a choice to get to the point I am now – I say that is a mere matter of opinion. Probably would come easier to someone built with confidence and some sort of support system. I have been relocated now. There is such a thing as domestic violence task force. Not that I had an abundance of friends but this feels foreign to me. I can’t believe I allowed a man to do this to us. Experiencing this with teen daughters alone is frightening, I can’t imagine how they feel. I had a nightmare he found me and killed me (it’s not if – it’s when, or so they say) and I puked my day away with a lovely migraine. Not only because of the dream I had, but for the nightmare my oldest had last week, the one I didn’t know how to handle properly. I should have hugged her longer and listened more. How scared the girls must be. They deserve a better mother, one with more training. The guilt is overbearing. I was such a fool. How could someone as seemingly non trusting as myself NOT have seen it coming? Every friend I had warned me in their own ways and banished. I don’t blame them but doesn’t say much for their character to walk when someone obviously could have used an ear or two. Here I am thinking again how I could be seeing someone so soon? January seems like yesterday.