• I Admit It… I’m Scared.

    by  • June 27, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Fear, Sex • 1 Comment

    I keep telling you that I don’t even understand myself…
    I keep telling you that it’s just “who I am” and “what I do”…
    But it’s a lie.
    I know exactly why I do these things.
    I care about you SO much… and you really mean a lot to me. But you’re the first one to really seriously love me back. And i’m scared.
    I know that I’m pretty. And I know that you love the way I look. And I know how badly you want to be my “first”… but I’m scared. Are you really the right one?
    I’ve held onto my virginity for so long just waiting for that picture-perfect guy to just sweep me off my feet. Not many people can say they’re still a virgin in college. But everyone’s looking for something different.
    I’m not just looking for a good time. I’m looking for that guy that gives me butterflies. That guy that I can fall asleep with… and wake up beside.
    I’m looking for something serious for once. That kind of romance that’s only found in movies.
    And I keep comparing you to those “perfect relationships” and I keep looking for one of those moments where I’m just… blown away. Where I know everything’s right…
    And I haven’t felt that way. But maybe I’m being unrealistic.
    This isn’t “The Notebook” and you’re not an actor. You’re REAL.
    And reality is something I’m not quite used to.

    I’m just scared. That’s the answer to the reason I’ve been avoiding you… and not as loving as I used to be. I’m scared. And I’m even too scared to tell you that.

    You’ve been with so many other women… women that have treated you amazing. Women that have put out on the first date. Women that didn’t tell you “no” when you tried to hook up in the back seat of your car.
    I’m not like those girls… but I’m trying. I’ll try harder. I’ll be better. I’ll fight my fears and be the girl you want… just give me time. Please. Don’t give up on me so quickly. You really are my everything.

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    One Response to I Admit It… I’m Scared.

    1. Tyler
      July 18, 2011 at 11:12 pm

      There is nothing wrong with wanting all those things. You’re not being unrealistic – I’m sure you understand it will never be exactly like a movie (movie-like, sure) but there is nothing wrong with “looking for that guy that gives me butterflies. That guy that I can fall asleep with… and wake up beside.” Not one bit wrong with that. Nothing wrong with “looking for one of those moments where I’m just… blown away. Where I know everything’s right…”
      I don’t know you and I don’t your relationship with this guy. I’m not going to tell you what to do but don’t be pressured, you’ll know when it’s right. Listen to yourself, “Where I know everything’s right…And I haven’t felt that way. ” It’s ok to want something that is special and believe it or not, it’s out there.
      Again nothing is perfect, but I don’t think you’re being unrealistic. I’ve dated several people – only one has really given me “butterflies.” Sex with her is beyond words.
      Lastly, (and this is advice, I guess) you do no one any favors by being the girl they want. Whomever you’re with needs to love you for you, and respect you for you.

      Best of luck with everything. I hope a month after you wrote this wasn’t too late. But if it was, you don’t need to feel bad one bit. Your first time was with a guy that you really cared for and that appears to really care for you back – there is no shame in that. If anything, I’m very happy for you. That’s more than most people can honestly say they had their first time.



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