I keep telling you that I don’t even understand myself…
I keep telling you that it’s just “who I am” and “what I do”…
But it’s a lie.
I know exactly why I do these things.
I care about you SO much… and you really mean a lot to me. But you’re the first one to really seriously love me back. And i’m scared.
I know that I’m pretty. And I know that you love the way I look. And I know how badly you want to be my “first”… but I’m scared. Are you really the right one?
I’ve held onto my virginity for so long just waiting for that picture-perfect guy to just sweep me off my feet. Not many people can say they’re still a virgin in college. But everyone’s looking for something different.
I’m not just looking for a good time. I’m looking for that guy that gives me butterflies. That guy that I can fall asleep with… and wake up beside.
I’m looking for something serious for once. That kind of romance that’s only found in movies.
And I keep comparing you to those “perfect relationships” and I keep looking for one of those moments where I’m just… blown away. Where I know everything’s right…
And I haven’t felt that way. But maybe I’m being unrealistic.
This isn’t “The Notebook” and you’re not an actor. You’re REAL.
And reality is something I’m not quite used to.
I’m just scared. That’s the answer to the reason I’ve been avoiding you… and not as loving as I used to be. I’m scared. And I’m even too scared to tell you that.
You’ve been with so many other women… women that have treated you amazing. Women that have put out on the first date. Women that didn’t tell you “no” when you tried to hook up in the back seat of your car.
I’m not like those girls… but I’m trying. I’ll try harder. I’ll be better. I’ll fight my fears and be the girl you want… just give me time. Please. Don’t give up on me so quickly. You really are my everything.