• How Can I Help Him?

    by  • June 27, 2011 • Help • 1 Comment

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four months. I’m unconditionally in love with him. I know this probably sounds like one of those stupid young adult relationship problems..but personally, I think our relationship is quite unique to other college relationships. . .

    So, basically, my boyfriend is amazing. I just feel like I can’t help him enough. He always says I’m amazing, beautiful, helpful, etc. Unfortunately, I never feel like I’m doing enough. He never has money because he lives with his parents (as do I) and they are going through a tough time financially. I pay for almost everything, unless I visit him at his parent’s house, then his parents will. At school, he can never do anything because he doesn’t have money. I feel like he shouldn’t spend it all on drugs, don’t worry, it’s just marijuana. I don’t want to be a bitch but we rarely go out and do “boyfriend/girlfriend activities.”

    I guess I’m writing this today because I want to know how to help him have a better life. I feel like I’m not doing enough and when he’s upset, he just brings me down. I suffer from depression, as does he, but his living situation doesn’t help it. His parents constantly harass him, and his mother is a complete bitch. She puts him through emotional turmoil that I have never seen before. She has forced him to get drug tested, take classes he doesn’t want to take, force him to get a job that he doesn’t want to do (he’d rather do something other than what his mother wants him to do, trust me, I’m glad he has a job but when he says it “makes his life hell,” then I don’t approve of it). His mother forces him to go to therapy and when he tells his psychologist about all the horrible things his mother has said (she once said she would rather have a puppy then deal with my boyfriend) the therapist explains my boyfriend’s feelings to his parents since they just don’t seem to understand him. Unfortunately, the therapist doesn’t do any good – my boyfriend’s parents just ignore the therapist.

    My boyfriend used to cut – before I met him. He goes through some depressing stages and when I try to help him – sometimes I feel like it gets worse. He says I’m the best thing that has happened to him, and that I’m keeping him alive – but yet he is still very depressed. He takes Lexapro, well, I think he still does, yet that doesn’t seem to be helping him completely. You’d think that since his father is a doctor that he’d be helping out more with the situation at home but he doesn’t. He lets his wife emotionally kill my boyfriend until he crumbles.

    Sometimes in the back of my mind I wonder if we should break up, but I would never want to be apart for him. I seriously love him and would never want to leave him. Some of my friends say I should leave him because his emotions just drag me down but I just can’t. I’ve never felt this type of connection with someone – he’s almost like me but obviously a male.

    He needs help and his parents, the people that can help him, do not. They just push him until he explodes, for example, he’s punched many things and seriously injured his hand. I feel like every adult has failed him. I don’t know what to do. The only thing I’ve been able to do is hold his hand through these issues. I feel like that’s not enough and he needs more help than that.

    How can I help him? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

    One Response to How Can I Help Him?

    1. Anonymous
      June 28, 2011 at 12:53 pm

      I’d just like to add that he feels lost. He said he doesn’t see the world as he would like to. To him, the world doesn’t offer him anything anymore. What should I say to that? I’m sorry over and over again?

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