I have written many letters to you, wondering for once if you would read in-between the lines. Amongst, the blathering conversations we’ve had by moonlight, whether you were single or in some sort of romantic entanglement I always hinted that right person could be before your very eyes, just not yet. It’s a dance I’ve been struggling with for longer then you think, because believe it or not I felt it back when there wasn’t even a claim of friendship between us. Deep down, I knew your arrogant charm would change me, would someday be a part of my life. In a crazy turn of events, we became best friends.
For the first time somebody saw me, could read my emotions and the mask I hide behind. I questioned it briefly, but when things became complicated I was noble. For a long time, I watched, drunkly mused that this was the way thing suppose to be. I was content being supportive, watching romance blossom before my very eyes.
At one point or another, it didn’t become romantic, but it became strong. We became strong. I the innocent one, pounced upon every moment to keep uncovering this friendship. I had a taste of what it felt like to be alive with you, and I wanted more. I never laughed so hard, took so many chances, and most of all grew with the new confidence I was gaining with you, and many others.
Once again, things became complicated. Affairs of the heart shift like the seasons, and I stood as noble as I could. I felt like a shivering knight roughing it against the cold winter, but I persisted. I learned to trust you, love you, and I wasn’t going to give that up.
You had proved yourself time and time again, how could I not? Yet the card that was in back of my mind was never on the table. It never will be. We are forever fated in this zone. I know this now, but how can we still be so close?
You made it pretty clear, we are best friends destined to see each other through our lives – but not together. I see that now, but things have to change then right? You can’t hold me close to your chest while you go on. It’s not fair. You would deny all this of course, but you would hate me with someone else.
I can’t see my life without you in it. I love you. I am not in love with you. I could have been, if you just let me. Things may change soon, but I have to a bit, or else we will keep playing this dance. You need to be on your own. I need to find myself. I miss you everyday.
I do love you.
– The girl who is always here and who you will soon let get away.