So you never knew this…or maybe you did…either way I’m kind of over what people think. Because I like you….it feels good to finally say it. I’ve never said it out loud, or typed it or anything. Because I was so afraid because of the age difference. But god, you’ve helped me through so much. And you’re nothing but sweet.
I’m sorry it took me so long to realize just how great you are. I know you liked me last year…but I was distracted and never looked at you that way….never considered you like that. I just saw you as someone who made me laugh. Remember when I’d drive you home? And we’d talk about Wicked and David and how you wanted to be better than him. And show choir….you became one of my best friends in show choir.
And that night….after Center Grove… I was sitting on the stage and there was one light on in the middle of the pit. You have no idea how badly I wanted someone….anyone to follow me and ask if I was okay. And you did. You came and you sat right next to me and you held my hand and told me you knew I cut myself. You told me David told you…. David couldn’t handle it but you were brave enough to help me. You asked me to please stop because it hurt you to see me so hurt. That’s when I knew you’d be a really great friend. I didn’t realize how much you meant to me.
And you made me that mixed cd…. Katie and I always talked about the hidden songs you put on there for me….we laughed because your crush on me was cute… and sweet. I never told you how much I love that cd… I listen to it all the time and wonder if those songs are for me. I kind of hope they are.
Then I left for school. When I came back for Homecoming I spent the whole night with you. It was so much fun. We laughed and flirted… You had grown taller…your voice was a lot deeper and you didn’t have such a baby face anymore. You were cute…really cute…but I ignored it….and kept pretending I’d never felt that for you before.
The school year passed and we barely talked. But then summer came. I’m not sure what made me message you those days before Katie’s open house. I guess it was seeing you at RHS and wanting to be your friend again. Or maybe it was something else idk… but I offered you a ride to the party…. you came later but I drove you home…the whole night we had so much fun…. we danced like prom king and queen….. we painted on the sign together…. we hugged and held hands…. we went on a “date” but only because I paid….it felt good…I felt better…. I’d been dealing with so much…..I’d been feeling broken….and when I was with you I didn’t really feel that…. or I forgot about it…either way it felt good. It wasn’t love and I wasn’t fixed… I just felt… better
So now here we are….with this flirting….this never ending tension…. and pressure….and hope…And even though you’re across the country right now and when you get back we’ll only have a few weeks…. I don’t care. I like you and I think you like me…. and I want to see what happens because I’m sick of waiting for guys….I deserve this… I deserve happy….and most of all I deserve you.
I miss you more than I thought I would and more than you know,
Can’t wait for HP 7 pt 2
Hope Hawaii is great,
Your first “date” at Panda Express and your favorite mixed cd.